Two Daves Pick The SEC

Two Daves Pick The SEC
November 28th, 2009

Welcome to Two Daves Pick The SEC! It’s Black Friday, so shopping malls are abuzz. What does that mean? There’s a lot of guys left alone at home that will take full advantage of this situation and watch every game on TV, SEC or not! The marquee game is the Iron Bowl, Alabama’s own version of extreme hatred. ESPN keeps pimping the Boise State – Nevada game. That should be the Boise State scrimmage with Nevada.

I was delighted to find that the man, excuse me, INS, had not disturbed longtime Two Daves friend Jesus Muscatel since he made an appearance a few weeks back. Since Jesus is a free man, he’s back this week as the Guest Dave.

Doug says:

Well, it’s the final week of college football’s “regular season,” if there’s such a thing. We’ve seen quite a collection of interesting and surprising things occur, from Auburn’s early return to relevance, to Ole Miss’s early return to mediocrity, to Georgia’s season to forget. We’ve seen Tennessee look like powerhouses one week, and like pushovers the next. We’ve seen Vanderbilt return to being, well, Vanderbilt. We’ve seen LSU’s Les Miles run out of magic dust. We’ve seen Mississippi State be relatively competitive against a monster schedule with a midget for a QB and at least six true freshmen getting extensive playing time. We’ve seen Kentucky, Arkansas, and South Carolina get bowl eligible and win some big games, but also underwhelm at times. And after all of that, we see exactly what we expected: Alabama and Florida playing for the SEC title. And what a game that’s going to be, huh?

After this week and championship week, we get a steady diet of hoops until the bowl games kick off. As much as I love college basketball, it’s just not the same. Regardless, I’m paying tribute to some of the names of past SEC hoopsters with my picks.

A little birdie tells me that Bubb will be back for the Bowl Edition. He’s got plenty of time to prepare, so that should be good stuff. Stay tuned.

Jesus Muscatel rejoins us for a second stint as Guest Dave. We love Jesus and you should too.

Jesus says:

Greetings to all my brethren in Two Daves Land from Louie’s on The Lake on South Padre Island, where Rick Stansbury’s Mississippi State cagers are checkin’ out the chicks and I’m buyin’ shots for anybody ready and/or willing to rig the Texas Lottery in favor of mi hermano Willie Muscatel. We’ve run this scam before and got deported for all our troubles. But hey, la migra, that’s an inconvenience, not real coppers. Anyway I think State’s fixin’ to play the Barking Spiders from Richmond. I found out what a barkin’ spider was in the men’s room at closing time at a bar in Chicago back in the day. Trust me, you wanna keep your distance …Jesus Muscatel keeps his distance from the man, you know what I’m sayin’???

Alabama at Auburn

Dave says:

Hatred, Alabama style. Other conferences have rivalries, the SEC is choc full of hatred. Auburn-Alabama, State – Ole Miss, Florida-Georgia. This game has a little more meaning than the usual Iron Bowl. Alabama is in the mix for the BCS title game, Auburn is trying to position itself for a better bowl game. A win over Bama would be icing on the cake for Gene Chizik.
Auburn is capable of playing pretty good football, but they’ve also choked a few times (hey to UGA). Alabama’s defense is playing near an NFL level – they are tremendous. A strong showing here might be the nudge to get Mark Ingram the Heisman. I think this will be a tight game.

Elephants 27
War Beagles 23

Doug says:

The Iron Bowl is appointment television every year. Tommy Tuberville pretty much owned the Tide, whether they want to admit it or not, and I’m still at a loss for why Ears had to lose his job last year. But what’s done is done, and now Alabama comes to the Plains with a 1-6 record in the last seven meetings. Or as your standard Bama fan would put it, “Alabama looks to continue the domination this year ROLLTIDE LOLZ!!!1!11!”. With that said, the Tide should win this game. Auburn has returned to competitiveness, but I don’t think they can hang with Alabama for 60 minutes. This one will probably be like all the others…relatively close and methodical with the Tide eventually pulling away.

Latrell Sprewell 28
Charles Barkley 17

Jesus says:

My bookie took a lot of action on Auburn, and he’s nervous about that 12-point spread. Me, I partook in the spread over in Matamoros the other day for an early Thanksgiving — Frito Pie, enchiladas, fried turkey and Corona. You know, across the border they use real sugar in Coca Cola products instead of corn syrup like in the States. Anyway Nick Saban was pretty syrupy in “The Blind Side.” Was doin’ his LSU coach thing while pledgin’ allegiance to Bear Bryant, John Hannah and Mike DuBose’s secretary behind their backs … Anyway I like the Tide, but not to cover.

Alabammy 27
Aubiemammy 20

Clemson at South Carolina

Dave says:

Another Heisman contender, Clempson’s CJ Spiller, needs a strong showing today to have a chance in winning the trophy. The problem? He’s facing Ellis Johnson’s defense, which is a pretty stout unit. So it’s a lock for USC, right? Not so fast my fine feathered friends, USC seems to fall apart at the end of the season and I always pick this one wrong. Spurrier is 1-3 against Clempson, something I never thought would happen.

Clempson 27
AKC 24

Doug says:

Every year I make the mistake of going with the Cocks in this game, and more often than not, I end up regretting the decision, as SC has lost six of the last seven in the series. I won’t make that mistake this year. If my pro-ACC pick this week ends up biting me in the rear end when USCe wins, then so be it. My humility will gladly be sacrificed for an SEC win in this game. At some point, though, you’d think the OBC would have enough of losing to his little brother. Maybe this year will be different. I’m hoping, but I’m also doubting…

Elden Campbell 31
Alex English 21

Jesus says:

Since coming to the Chicken Coup, our boy Darth Visor is 1-3. He gets the Clemson Clods at home this time. I think he’s gonna win. Don’t ask me why, I think he’s gonna win. Then again, my daddy, Gen. Francisco Muscatel, had money on Egypt in the Six-Day War. That didn’t work out so good.

Columbia Cluckers 23
Go to Anderson, S.C., and take a left 13

Mississippi at Mississippi State

Dave says:

The Egg Bowl, Mississippi’s own version of extreme hatred. This rivalry is right up there with Auburn-Alabama. The game is in Starkville, so Ole Miss’ best fans, the KKK won’t be at this game. After a sluggish start and choking away some games, Ole Miss has gotten red hot at the end of the season, just like last year. Unlike last year, when Jevan Snead got red hot, the reason for this year’s success is Dexter McCluster. Dexter has extreme quickness and can leave guys breaking their ankles trying to catch him.

Mississippi State features future NFL draft pick Anthony Dixon. Dixon has run extremely well this year, well over 1,000 yards and owns almost every rushing record at State.

Rebel fans love to point to last year’s 45-0 bitchslap. That was last year, and if they are not looking forward, they will be in trouble. Sylvester Croom is gone and the Dawgs will not roll over in an effort to get rid of their coach (hey, it worked well last year). Ole Miss will win this game, but State will be very competitive.

Ole Miss 34
State 27

Doug says:

Ah, the egg bowl. Thanksgiving hasn’t been the same without being able to watch this game from the couch, in a tryptophan-induced coma. Maybe one day they’ll move it back to Thanksgiving night. For my money, the hatred and venom of this game is on par with any other in the SEC, and it was fun to see it in full glory on ESPN Prime Time. As for this year’s game, Ole Miss should win. I expect State to be competitive, and I expect the stadium to be loud. If Snead shows up to play, Ole Miss shouldn’t have much trouble. If the State defense can get to Snead, then it will be interesting. After seeing Ryan Mallet torch the State defense last week, I am comfortable in saying Snead will likely have a field day.

Ansu Sesay 38
Erick Dampier 28

Jesus says:

Lemme see if I got this right. The Bulldogs got the Thanksgivin’ stuffin’ knocked out of them up in Little Rock on Saturday, and they threw the ball 13 times. In Lubbock, that’s called cuttin’ off your nose to spite your face. In Brownsville, we call it spittin’ in the face of conventional wisdom, or trying to pole vault your way over Rio Grande River into the States. Good luck with dat. Ole Miss is pretty lucky to have run into the Les Miles Encounter Group on Saturday, so I think the Nutt of Houston will have the Rebs’ attention this week.

Cussin’ Colonel Rebs 28
Dogcussion’ the Dawgs 13

Florida State at Florida

Dave says:

Word on the street is that Florida fans have organized to wear eye black to honor Tim Tebow. I think that’s a great tribute to an exceptional person. There’s not a lot of football players that spend their off time traveling the world for missionary trips. Love him or hate him, Tebow is a very special person and a very good football player. A strong win here and Tebow might pick up another Heisman.

Bobby Bowden is hanging on for dear life in Tallahassee. There is a movement to send him on his way and let Jimbo Fisher, the infamous coach in waiting, have the reigns. Defensive Coordinator Mickey Andrews is retiring at the end of this season, and Bowden needs to take a hint. Urban Meyer will provide some encouragement for Bowden to go ahead and leave. Joe Pa needs to go with him.

Chomp Chomp 34
I’ve fallen and I can’t get up 21

Doug says:

So, papa Bowden has been catching some heat this year. It’s time for him to go. He really doesn’t do anything anyway. They’re paying him to stand around while everyone else coaches. Jimbo Fisher should be the one on the hot seat, right? And while Florida State will continue their bowl streak this year, they are a pretty mediocre football team. The Gators destroy mediocre football teams, by the way. Over/under on number of “Dadgums!” yelled during the game: 26.

Mike Miller 41
Sam Cassell 21

Jesus says:

Somebody, please, tell me this game ain’t on CBS on Saturday. Wait, it is? Are you serious? I’ve seen so much of Tebow I thought he was pushing a shopping cart down Aisle 3 of the Piggly Wiggly the other night. He had some Rosarita refries, some tequila and a coupla chicks by his side, neither of whom would admit to bein’ his girlfriend. I said, Yo, Timmy Boy, I’m down with dat, why buy the dairy when you get all the milk you want? Still, I’m sick of the guy. And 23 points is too much for a rivalry game, even one that’s gotten this lame on account of FSU’s incompetence.

Florida Orange Juice 35
Give Chief Osceola The Juice 17

Tennessee at Kentucky

Dave says:

Rich Brooks somehow keeps his team going, and a win here would improve the quality of a bowl game that the Cats will go to. Tennessee has had a good year as well, despite being unable to tackle Dexter McCluster. This one will be close.

Vols 24
We don’t have a McCluster 21

Doug says:

I thought Tennessee had it together until they laid that egg against Ole Miss a couple of weeks ago. After a pretty bland, but successful week against Vandy, I’m not quite ready to proclaim that the Vols are back on track. Kentucky has had a solid season, even if they did lose to Mississippi State. I think this one will be tight early, but UT will have too much for the Mildcats. Monte Kiffin’s defense should be too much for a freshman QB to handle.

Bernard King 28
Rex Chapman 14

Jesus says:

I like Rich Brooks. Really, I do. He was on a Carnival cruise ship one time with me and my homies, and we both happened to catch a glimmerin’ glimpse of Roselyn Sanchez on the Promenade Deck, taking a break from “Without a Trace.” I said to my boy Brooksie, ‘Yo, Richie baby, I’d like to be tracin’ that.’ He said, ‘Jesus, you’re a man of taste and integrity. Now have the pool boy bring me another margarita.’ He’s a nice guy, so I didn’t mind. Oh yeah, the Vols. They might be packing heat. But they won’t need it.

Pump Up The Vol-ume 31
Kentucky Rain Keeps’ Fallin’ Down 21

Georgia at Georgia Tech

Dave says:

Georgia Tech looks to finish the season undefeated against SEC teams. Of course, Mississippi State and Vanderbilt are the last placed teams in the conference. Georgia has laid a few eggs this year and they have pulled a few rabbits out of the hat. I don’t think Georgia has what it will take to stop Paul Johnson’s triple headed running attack. The seat heats up in Athens.

Georgia Tekk 31
Jawga 21

Doug says:

Every year, Georgia should dominate this game. Tech’s win last year was their first since 2000 in the series, and this year will make it two in a row. Georgia is wrapping up a season to forget, while Georgia Tech is in the top ten. Definitely, Tech’s defense is suspect, and Joe Cox will be playing at night, so this one will be fairly tight, with the Bulldogs putting up some points. But the Jackets will rush for about 400 yards and take control. Mark Richt hopes this season was just a bump in the road, but he’d better come up with a quarterback, and a defense, or next year may be his last between the hedges.

Matt Harpring 31
Dominique Wilkins 24

Jesus says:

You ever been to Bobby Dodd Stadium? Man, that thing is a relic. Jawga, I can’t figure out what’s wrong with those boys. They’ve got some talent. They’re just not winning any big games. Mark Richt was ridin’ on Easy Street two or three years back. Now he just looks like a more polished, better lookin’ version of Ray Goof, I mean, Ray Goff. These Yellowjackets know how to run the football.

We Do The ACC proud 38
We Do The Papajohns.com Bowl 24

Arkansas at LSU

Dave says:

Ole Miss extracted revenge for the Billy Canon punt return last weekend. LSU’s rancid game management cost them a win, and quite possibly much more – a BCS matchup. The hat clearly has no brain, and the Tiger nation is livid; rightfully so. Arkansas has hit a stride with Ryan Mallet and is putting up really good numbers. Arkansas has had LSU’s number as of late, so this makes this a very difficult pick. Flip a coin.

LSU 24 – Arkansas 21

Doug says:

You know, I said early on that if Leslie Miles suffers another loss to Arkansas, his seat will be on fire. Well, I don’t think he had to wait that long. Coonasses don’t take too kindly to losing to inferior football teams like they did last week. You can blame it solely on Miles, too, for the clock management blunders at the end of the game. His seat isn’t the only thing that’s hot, though; that Razorback offense is pretty hot in its own right. This one will be interesting, I think, but LSU will get it done in the end.

Stromile Swift 27
Corliss Williamson 24

Jesus says:

I wanted to save the best, I mean the worst, for last. You know you can get WWL Radio down here on the border at night, that’s a powerful puppy on the AM dial, and Deke Bellavia was on the air the other night, takin’ calls from slobberknockered Tigers fans with too much tequila and too much time on their hands. Yeah, we get it. The Mad Hatter lost his head up in Oxford. Gary Crowton’s probably gonna walk the plank. Then he throws his quarterback under the bus. Hey, the Hogs have won their last two against LSU. But the Tigers are playin’ at night, and if you listen to your everyday LSU fan … hey, that’s your problem, but they’re supposed to win. Good enough for me.

LSU 24
Arkansas 17

Two Daves Pick The SEC
November 21, 2009

Welcome two Two Daves Pick The SEC! It seems like yesterday that everyone had high hopes and great expectations for their football teams. Today, we stand here with two regular season game weekends left.

Too bad that conference and national awards only go to players and coaches on winning teams, a few deserving souls are being left behind. Take Anthony Dixon at Mississippi State for example. He’s in the national top 10 statistically, owns virtually every rushing record at Mississippi State, yet he’s not even in the top 10 for the Doak Walker award? Come on people, he’s second in the SEC only to some guy named Mark Ingram, a sophomore Heisman candidate. After the Charles Woodson Heisman win over Peyton Manning, it became clear to me that these awards are all politics and have little to do with the best player, and that is a travesty.

Doug says:

Wow, the season is almost over. Where did the time go?

Last week, we saw Alabama dispatch Mississippi State in workmanlike fashion. They got the benefit of another questionable call in that game, but they didn’t need it. Meanwhile, Ole Miss was able to put their controversies aside for a few hours and put a buttkicking on Tennessee. LSU got a scare against Louisiana Tech (as Dave says, RESPECH TECH!), and Georgia got a big win over Auburn. None of this matters in the big picture, though, as Alabama and Florida are still on their collision course for the SEC championship. The only compelling race at this point is the jockeying for Music City / Liberty / Independence bowl berths.

Hey, we’ve got a guest Dave this week! It’s old friend of the program, Del B. Vista.

Del says:

It’s still pretty warm down here at Phase III, where the men wear white belts and the women are scared (of osteoporosis). We’re looking forward next week to a nice turkey dinner, a spiffy two-for-one Early Bird deal. We’ll be napping by 4:15 Thanksgiving Day. It’s a pretty middling week around the Southeastern Conference, where the biggest news may be a movie release, and not one featuring Tim Tebow’s not-girlfriend. The best game figures to match teams that have lost a total of five games, but whose fans feel like have lost sure national championships. The league’s two best teams pay off chumps to fill up their stadiums, the Volunteer State’s two SEC teams pay off folks to imagine this is a big rivalry game and the conference’s two Bulldogs play Hogs and Cats and dream of better seasons ahead.

Chattanooga at Alabama

Dave says:

The Tide rolled right through Starkville last weekend. Carl Torbush’s defense had more holes in it than the Jon Benet Ramsey case. Yes, it was that bad. The good news for Bama fans is that Greg McElroy seemed to get back on track, having a solid performance in Starkville. So a scrimmage this weekend, bitter rival next weekend, then the SEC title game.

Alabama 42
Chatta-scrimmage 13

Doug says:

Alabama gets a much needed break this week, where they don’t have to rely on underhanded tactics and crooked officials to win a football game. Mind you, they’ll probably take advantage of that stuff anyway, but they won’t need it. They’ll have plenty of opportunity to rest starters, and the coaching staff is probably looking forward and preparing for the Iron Bowl, anyway.

Crimson Legends 41
Roadkill 10

Del says:

The Crimson Tide have running back Mark Ingram, who might win Bama’s first Heisman. They also have wide receiver Julio Jones, who without a doubt is the best player on that team. The Chattanooga All-Century Team has a defensive back named Mike Hunt (really, I’m not kidding), but the Mocs’ best player ever is undoubtedly a wideout. Terrell Eldorado Owens isn’t walking through that door, Mocs.

We’re Here For the Payday 7
We’re Here For the Party 50

Mississippi State at Arkansas

Dave says:

Here we have an interesting matchup – the unstoppable passer, Ryan Mallet, versus the unstoppable runner, Anthony Dixon. Of these two, the guy that sets the tone will be the winner. If it’s a physical running game, State wins. If it turns into a passing game, Arkansas walks away with a win. Mississippi State has improved a lot this year on offense, but they have taken a step back in defense, and that is on Carl Torbush. If Dan Mullen keeps this assclown around, then it’s on him next season.

We can pass 37
We cannot 24

Doug says:

For most of this season, Mississippi State has shown remarkable improvement. Dan Mullen has taken a midget quarterback, a bunch of true freshmen, and a bad offensive line, and somehow produced a solid offense. The defense hasn’t come around, though, and Mullen could do himself a huge favor by kicking Carl Torbush to the curb. Anyone with a doubt as to whether Torbush belongs should watch this game. All doubt will be removed. This is a terrible, terrible matchup for Mississippi State. Their only hope is that they can control the ball by pounding Anthony Dixon five yards at a time and keep the Razorback offense off the field, because when they’re on the field, they’re scoring, and there’s nothing Torbush and his crew can do about it.

Bacon 38
Hot Dogs 20

Del says:

Many years before moving to Phase III, I spent five years getting a degree in Starkvegas. As a long, long, longtime Bulldog fan, it feels better watching this year’s team than last years, but heading to Fayetteville with a leaky defense is frightening. Ryan Mallett has thrown for almost 1,000 yards in his last three games, with eight touchdowns. Tyson Lee has seen over the line of scrimmage eight seconds his entire life, and State’s defense has been sieve-like at times. State has to win its last two to get bowl eligible.

Better Luck Next Year 20
Good Luck Keeping Petrino 41

Florida International at Florida

Dave says:

Florida, much like Alabama, has a scrimmage, a hated rival and then the SEC Title game coming up. Tebow probably sets more records this weekend. Yeah, I’d call this the BITCHSLAP OF THE WEEK! Florida International will be mauled. Don’t let young children watch, they do not need to see this.

Florida 56
FIU 10

Doug says:

Much like Alabama, Florida gets a break this weekend. Rumors are swirling about Urban Meyer becoming the next coach at Notre Dame. My question is why in the world he would even entertain the notion. Notre Dame football isn’t what it once was. Meyer already has the best job in America. He can recruit effortlessly, he gets paid by the truckload, and he’s won two national titles. The counter-argument is that he’s got nothing else to accomplish at Florida, but I know if I were him, I wouldn’t be going anywhere. If he did leave, would Florida bring Spurrier back? Now, THAT would be fun. Oh yeah, back to the game…

Gators 65
Gator Bait 0

Del says:

FIU’s special teams coach is Apollo Wright. Unless he can play Master of Disaster on the Gators kickoff coverage team, diagramming touchdown returns following each Florida score, the Golden Panthers have no chance. FIU opened the season with a 40-14 beatdown at the hands of Alabama. Can the Golden Panthers stand up to the Gators any better? This game could provide some valuable insight into the SEC Championship game. You know, the transitive property? Any math geniuses out there?

International Lovers 14
International Haters 39

LSU at Mississippi

Dave says:

LSU travels to Oxford this weekend to face Ole Miss in somewhat of a rivalry game. The Tigers struggled at home at night against Louisiana Tech, and it was not pretty. Ole Miss looked ok against Tennessee, but Dexter McCluster looked like a rocket, chewing through Tennessee’s defense. I thought Monte Kiffin’s boys could contain McCluster, but they did not. It’s Senior day, Ole Miss is playing well right now and LSU is not.

Ole Miss 24
LSU 21

Doug says:

Ole Miss took Tennessee behind the woodshed last weekend, and I guess they finally played up to their potential in a big game. Can they do it two weeks in a row? Look, LSU is definitely beatable (heck, Mississippi State should’ve beaten them, and they didn’t exactly look like a powerhouse last week, either), but I’m not sure if Ole Miss can sustain the level of play they showed last week. I do know this: if Dexter McCluster can run wild on Tennessee, he surely can run wild on LSU. Yes, I’m stalling, because I don’t know who to pick here. I’ll flip a coin. Heads, Ole Miss; tails, LSU. First flip: tails. Second flip: tails. Third flip: tails. Okay, somebody is trying to tell me something.

Coonasses 28
Confederates 27

Del says:

Louisianians tend to think their teams are either the best in the world or the worst, never in between. They tend to think of their team this year as Tiggers rather than Tigers. Disappointing Ole Miss will certainly be distracted this weekend by the release of “The Blind Side,” a touching story of how an Ole Miss alum adopted a behemoth and turned him into a great offensive lineman. Let me know when the Tuohys adopt a 5-foot-6, 127-pound math genius. I’m ready to write the book: “The Axis of Symmetry: Quadratic equations and recruiting in the SEC.”

We’ve Lost Two Games and It’s a Disaster 23
We’ve Lost Three Games and It’s a Disaster 26

Vanderbilt at Tennessee

Dave says:

Vanderbilt versus Tennessee. Wow, exciting.

Tennessee 17
Vanderbilt 13

Doug says:

Two weeks ago, this one would’ve been a laugher. But the Vols then went to Oxford and got involved in a laugher of their own. I don’t think Vandy can win this game, but after the stinker the Vols put down last week, along with the off-the-field shenanigans (another player fighting the long arm of the law this week), their mental state may not be where it needs to be. I do know that Lane Kiffin needs to get control of his program, and fast. Even Phil Fulmer is shocked by the behavior.

Orange Jumpsuits 17
Easy Like Sunday Morning 14

Del says:

I like Bobby Johnson. I like Bobby Johnson a lot. I hope he can survive a down year, because coaching the Commodores can’t be easy. I don’t like Lane Kiffin. I don’t like Lane Kiffin much at all. I hope he bobs around mediocrity for a few years before running aground in the Tennessee River. And I’m not even going to talk about enriching oneself through parking lot entrepreneurism.

Glorified Version of a C-USA School 14
Glorified Version of a Pellet Gun 32

Kentucky at Georgia

Dave says:

Both teams are bowl eligible, and there’s really not much more to play for here, except maybe improving from the weed eater bowl to the liberty bowl. If Kentucky wins this game, I expect Mark Richt’s seat to get red hot.

Georgia 24
Kentucky 21

Doug says:

Georgia’s mascot, UGA VII, passed away suddenly this week. Whether you like the Dawgs or not, you’ve got to respect their UGA tradition. Kentucky doesn’t care. They hope to come in and kick the Dawgs while they’re down. Unfortunately for the Mildcats, they get Joe Cox in a night game. At night, he looks like an All-American. Kentucky will keep it competitive, but I think Georgia will end up winning one for UGA.

Hairy Dawgs 31
Mildcats 24

Del says:

Yawn. This game shows there’s not much to the SEC this year after the FloraBama juggernauts. It reminds me of this one time at Phase III when they brought in this ringer to run for condo board president. After he walked barefoot through the clubhouse, he tried to buy his way to the presidency. His tip calculators were “Willards” not “Wizards.” There aren’t any wizards in this game, either.

Willard the Mildcat 13.66666
Willard the Bullfrog 20.66666

Last week:

Dave (5-2)
Doug (6-1)

Overall:

Dave (71-13)
Doug (69-15)
Guest Daves (13-3)

Two Daves Pick The SEC
November 14, 2009

Welcome to Two Daves Pick The SEC! I suppose that Urban Meyer is really glad that Lane Kiffin stole Nu’Keese Richardson from him. Three Tennessee true freshmen, including Richardson, were arrested on armed robbery charges, and they had some pot with them as well. That speaks volumes to what Kiffin is recruiting into UT. You can’t spell thugs without UT!

Doug says:

It’s a big college football weekend for some teams, while others are just glad to line up and play a game, and get out of the mid-week headlines. The Tennessee program is catching a black eye after three players were arrested and charged with armed robbery with – get this – a pellet gun. The nefarious activity took place in a high-visibility location, and the players, dressed in their “impossible is nothing” Adidas UT gear, attempted to make their hasty getaway in a Toyota Prius. Lane Kiffin will suspend each player for 1 quarter for the criminal activity, and for the rest of the season for being majestically stupid.

Meanwhile, in Oxford, the outrage is going viral after the administration has decided that the band shouldn’t play From Dixie With Love because it encourages the students to chant “The South Will Rise Again”. There are rumors of Klan marches coming soon. A video of an Ole Miss student hit youtube yesterday, in which he satisfies every old-south stereotype you’ve ever heard in a span of 30 seconds. It’s embarrassing for the school, the good folks that attend there, and the whole state. Meanwhile, under the radar, Greg Hardy has broken his wrist and is out for the year, which is a huge loss for the Rebel football team.

Tennessee at Mississippi

Dave says:

Colonel Rebel is crying. If you need a laugh, go search for that on youtube; it’s a classic. Dr. Jekyl Mr. Snead will face Eric Berry, one of the premier defensive backs in the nation. Berry is a great player, don’t get me wrong, but Monte Kiffin is why Tennessee’s defense can be dominating at times. The offense has resorted to pellet guns to dominate and that experiment failed miserably. I keep thinking Jonathon Crompton is gonna fall flat on his face, and he keeps playing well. If Tennessee can stop the super speedy Dexter McCluster, they win this game easily.

Tennessee 24
Ole Miss 17

Doug says:

As I mentioned earlier, both of these teams are just glad to be playing football. Tennessee’s criminal activity could have significant impact on the defense, as Jantzen Jackson, one of the alleged troublemakers, has been a major contributor. The other two won’t be much of a loss. Losing Hardy will be a big loss for an Ole Miss team who must get pressure on rapidly-improving Jonathan Crompton to be successful. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop for the Rebs: they’ve been underachieving all year, but they’ve got to get it together at some point, right? Looking at this from a high level, its the tale of two teams: one of them gelling and improving as the year progresses, and one of them just trying to gain bowl eligibility after being ranked #4 in the country at one point. The million-dollar question is how in the world Ole Miss is a four point favorite in this game.

Cant Spell Pellet Gun without UT 27
The South Will Rise Again 20

Kentucky at Vanderbilt

Dave says:

This game looked like it meant something in August. Little did we know that Vanderbilt would suck so mightily. From bowl champion to toilet bowl, the story of Vanderbilt football. Kentucky has played very well at times, winning at Auburn. The Cats should not have any trouble dispatching the Commodores. Vandy did hang well with Georgia Tech for three quarters, unfortunately, the games lasts four.

Kentucky 27
Vanderbilt 17

Doug says:

This was the match-up the powers-at-be dreamed of when the SEC signed their TV deal and announced that all games would be televised on the SEC Network. Smell those ratings! The Mississippi State loss was a setback for Kentucky, since they were really lined up for a bigger-tiered bowl. If they lose to Vanderbilt, their bowl game should be the least of their worries. I know they’ve had injuries, but there’s no reason the Commodores should have fallen so far this year. Could Bobby Johnson be on the hot seat? Does anyone even care?

John Calipari 31
Kevin Stallings 10

Florida at South Carolina

Dave says:

The Ol Ball Coach sees his Florida Gators come in to play his Gamecocks. Spurrier loves UF 364 days a year, but on this day, he will hate them like everyone else. Florida will see eye gouger Brandon Spikes back from his suspension. South Carolina has such inconsistent play from Garcia, I just do not seem them racking up points against a solid Florida defense. Ellis Johnson will slow Tim Tebow down, but that will not stop the outcome: TheGators chomp off the cocks!

Chomp 27
OUCH!! 13

Doug says:

Early on, I thought Coach Spurrier had finally taken the step we’ve all been waiting for him to take with the Gamecocks. Upon further review, nah, not so much. The storyline of Spurrier against his old team is still compelling enough for CBS to pick the game up, but I don’t expect this one to be much of a thriller. Carolina’s pass rush, combined with Florida’s suspect offensive line, will probably keep things interesting for a while. In the end, I don’t see Carolina being able to consistently move the ball. One thing I will say about Spurrier: the old fire is back. He was
spiking hats and headsets last week like it was 1996.

Jorts 28
Cackolackey 14

Alabama at Mississippi State

Dave says:

Mississippi State, for the most part, has given Bama a tight game for the last several years, winning about half of the last dozen games. Oddly enough, this series is Alabama’s longest against any SEC opponent, 93 years. War Beagles??

The matchup that doesn’t matter here is Anthony Dixon, the 8th leading rusher in the nation, versus Mark Ingram, the 5th leading rusher in the nation. Both of these guys are great backs, Dixon is more of a bruiser that wears you down, where Ingram has better quickness that equally wears you out.

I fully expect another heartbreaking loss for the Dawgs. We can only hope it’s because the better team wins on the field, as LSU did against State, and not because of the officials, as in State versus Houston and Florida. Alabama is blessed, they do not get game changing calls made against them, ever. They are enrolled in the Mike Slive protection plan, and they, like Florida, will not be allowed to lose a game before the SEC Championship game. If you believe that LSU didn’t get screwed by the refs, you are a Bama fan or a Mike Slive relative.

Alabama 24
Mississippi State 17

Doug says:

If you don’t think State has a chance to win this game, you may be in for a surprise. Long odds, sure, but consider this: MSU-Alabama is historically a slugfest, they’ve played .500 ball against each other over the last 14 or so years, and they match up well. The stadium will be full and rabid, the cowbells will be loud, and the intensity will be sky-high. I still think Bama will win the way they’ve done it all year: a slow,
methodical, forceful imposition of their will. They threw the ball more against LSU than I expected, but I look for Ingram to see the ball early and often this week. MSU will counter with Anthony Dixon, who’s every bit as good as Ingram, but I don’t think he’ll have as much success against that beastly Tide defense. Alabama is coming off an emotional victory that clinched the SEC West, so they could be flat. If that happens, look out. The wildcard here is the officiating crew, who will make sure all questionable, and some blatantly incorrect calls go the way of the Tide, as Mike Slive continues to preserve “the best interests of the conference.”

Mullets 24
Tractors 21

Louisiana Tech at LSU

Dave says:

LSU returns to the friendly confines of Tiger Stadium after being raped by SEC officials. Alabama was the better team, let me be clear on that. The fact that the
officials screwed LSU blind taints that win. Had the Patrick Petersen pick been called correctly, who knows what may have happened. The problem for Lester is that his team is pretty banged up. Louisiana Tech will be motivated to win some respect in Louisiana. RESPECH LATECH!! Who knows, Jarret Lee might throw a couple of pick sixes and Tech could win.

ELLESSYOO 34
LATECH 17

Doug says:

The Tigers need this game to lick their wounds from last week. Its hard enough to beat Alabama 11-11. When its 18-11, it’s next to impossible. It is criminal what the officiating crew did to the coonasses last week. I can’t understand, for the life of me, how the SEC can keep doing this to teams. Expect Mike Slive to announce a new policy to start fining and/or suspending ESPN commentators who criticize SEC officiating. The SEC commercials they air during the games should speak the truth: “We at the SEC believe in treating the symptoms, and not the problem. Our
institutions know their roles and keep their mouths shut, or else.”

Big Coonasses 31
Little Coonasses 14

Auburn at Georgia

Dave says:

This is usually a huge rivalry game, Georgia and Auburn love to hate each other. Auburn is a good football team and Georgia is not. Then again, Georgia did win at Arkansas while Auburn got skulldrug. Who knows what will happen. I think it will either be a very close game or Auburn will skulldrag Georgia. I wonder what Bubb’s lil sis is doing these days, she had a big ol crush on David Greene.

Auburn 27
Jawga 24

Doug says:

This game just doesn’t have the luster it normally does. Georgia is shockingly mediocre this year, and Auburn is up and down. I don’t know which way to go in this one. Georgia is the home team, and they’re playing at night, two big plusses for the Dawgs. Auburn’s Gus Malzahn scheming against the porous UGA defense is a big plus for Auburn. When in doubt, go with the home team.

Hairy Dawgs 31
War Tigers 30

Troy at Arkansas

Dave says:

Arkansas should stroll through this game, right? Not so fast my fine feathered friends! Troy is loaded with academically non-qualifying SEC players, they have the talent and solid coaching. The Pigs just have some kind of mystical power in games played in the state of Arkansas. Their offense can also rack up points when hitting on all cylinders.

WHOOOO PIG 31
Umba Eeba Ooba Ooba Umba 13

Doug says:

This one is much easier to pick, although Troy isn’t exactly a pushover. Expect this one to be tight early, before the Hogs eventually pull away late. Arkansas may be looking ahead to next week to their match-up with Mississippi State in a battle of teams teetering at the edge of bowl eligibility, but that shouldn’t matter.

Men of Wal-Mart 38
Men of Troy 17

Last week:

Dave (8-0)
Doug (7-1)
Bubb (7-1)

Season:

Dave (66-11)
Doug (63-14)
Guest Daves (13-3)

Two Daves Pick The SEC
November 7, 2009

Welcome to Two Daves Pick The SEC! Alas, we are in the final month of the 2009 regular season. We have some really crappy games this week. Ole Miss versus Northern Arizona? It’s November, not September. This is the time of year for rivalry games and tough conference matches. LSU at Alabama, now that’s some serious November football. Making up for these football deficiencies, we are pleased to present our man BUBB RUBB! WOO WOOOOOO!

Doug says:

Well, regretfully, the football season is now coming down the home stretch. Most of the games this week will be easy wins for the home team. The only two compelling match ups are SC-Arkansas and LSU-Alabama. The dumbfounding match up is Northern Arizona-Ole Miss. How do you play two non-FBS teams in the same year? Speaking of Ole Miss, my how the mighty have fallen. At one time, #4 in the nation, and now, fighting for bowl eligibility. The Rebs still have to play Tennessee, LSU, and Mississippi State, and they face the prospect of going into the egg bowl and needing a win to get bowl eligible.

Bubb says:

Yeah, that’s right. Bubb Rubb back from tha dead. Magee say he’s been wonderin’ where I been, and he been wantin’ me to pick some games, but all he had to do was call me. Maybe he did call me back in August, but my phone was cut off for about a month, but he know where I stay, and he know I loves me some SEC football. You know, I gotta say that the man always gotta be holdin’ us back. My boy Obama got elected, but my boy Crooms got fired. One step forward, one step back. Rich Brooks needs to take his old ass to tha retirement home so we can get another brutha as a head coach up in here.

South Carolina at Arkansas

Dave says:

The luster came off of this game as the chickens laid an egg last week at Tennessee. Arkansas is a huge Jeckyl/Hyde team. We do not know which team will show up: the one that skulldrug Texas A&M or the one that lost to Ole Miss. I’m going to go with the home team.

Arkansas 27
AKC 23

Doug says:

Here we are, in November, and I still can’t get a read on how good Arkansas is. They’ve looked unbelievable in a win against Auburn, and they’ve looked putrid in a loss to Ole Miss. South Carolina, meanwhile, has been fairly consistent. They didn’t play like I expected them to last week against Tennessee, though. I think they’ll rebound this week as they visit the land of mobile homes and Wal-Mart.

Cackolackey 27
Sooie 24

Bubb says:

I don’t know nothin’ about Arkansas, but my cousin Cornelius say they got a real good offense, but their defense sucks. He knows what a sucky defense look like, too, cuz he a Raider fan just like I am. Common sense say an offensive genius like Coach Spurrier against a bad defense means bad things for tha Hogs.

Chicken 38
Pork 28

Tennessee Tech at Georgia

Dave says:

Tennessee Tech, an oxymoron, heads to Athens to play the battered Georgia
Bulldogs. Not battered just because Florida laid them out, battered
because they’ve not had a great season and Mark Richt is feeling the heat.
A resounding win here will not take the heat off of Richt, as Georgia is
supposed to win this game and most of its conference games every year.

UGA 34
TT 13

Doug says:

Congrats, Tech, you are sacrificial lamb #1 for this week. Georgia will win this one in a cakewalk, and they need it. They weren’t even competitive at the cocktail party last week, and that’s a problem. Maybe Georgia can pretend that this is Georgia Tech, and feel much better about themselves and their season. Then again, if they pretend this is Georgia Tech, they’ll lose by three touchdowns.

Hairy Dawgs 38
Roadkill #1 10

Bubb says:

What happened to Jawga?? Florida kicked that ass, and Coach Meyer didn’t even have to act a fool to do it. L’il Sis still say Mark Richt is her favorite coach, but he betta get his stuff together or he gonna be lookin’ for a new job soon. Maybe they can hire Coach Croom.

Jawga 31
Tech 17

Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky

Dave says:

Kentucky’s defense is still probably tired from the abuse administered by Anthony Dixon. Dixon ran for 252 yards and two TD’s against the Cats in Lexington. Dixon is three yards behind Alabama’s Mark Ingram in total rushing yardage for the season. Fortunately for UK, there’s a pansy coming to town. Even after UK wins this game, Rich Brooks will still look like someone peed in his cheerios.

Kentucky 31
eek! 21

Doug says:

Congrats, directional Kentucky, you are sacrificial lamb #2 this week. Kentucky is coming off a loss to Mississippi State in a game that head coach-in-waiting Joker Phillips called “the biggest game in the last 30 years”. Oops. Luckily for the Wildcats, they play a ridiculously mediocre non-conference schedule, so they should inch closer to bowl eligibility this week.

Mildcats 38
Roadkill #2 7

Bubb says:

I didn’t even know there was an Eastern Kentucky. Folks in Kentucky never heard of Eastern Kentucky. There will prolly be more folks at tha basketball scrimmage than at tha football game. You know, I’m gonna hafta start rootin’ for Kentucky. In basketball, Coach Cal is gonna thug it up with tha best talent in tha conference, as long as they can spell their name and stay off tha “blue grass”. Lotsa tats and cornrows. Adolph Rupp is already rollin’ in his grave. And then one day soon, Coach Brooks is gonna retire and we’re gonna get a brutha named Joker as head football coach. Yep, I gotta start rootin’ for Kentucky.

Wildcatz 55
I don’t even know what to call them 0

Furman at Auburn

Dave says:

Furman? WTF?? Just when you thought Ole Miss was bad with Northern Arizona, Auburn pulls out Furman? This one is already over; Furman will show up to collect a paycheck.

7 wins, woohoo! 44
We got some money 10

Doug says:

Congrats, Furman, you are sacrificial lamb #3 this week. Auburn returned to form last week in a complete dismantling of Ole Miss. And honestly, everybody laughed a little. Now Auburn gets a chance to tune up the offense a bit and rest their defense before heading into the home stretch. Chizik’s luster faded a bit when they lost three straight, but Auburn fans really should be happy with the results so far, compared with what the expectations were at the beginning of the year.

War Tigers 41
Roadkill #3 14

Bubb says:

I’ve heard of Furman before cuz I got some cousins that live in South Carolina. I don’t know nothin’ about their football team, though. I know enough to know that they gonna get rolled this weekend. I don’t know why Auburn had to fire Coach Tuberville, but at least I don’t fall asleep when I watch them play football anymore.

Aubrun 44
Carolina Representin’ 10

LSU at Alabama

Dave says:

Now here’s a big time game with big time implications. If Alabama wins, they are assured a trip to Atlanta for the SEC Title game against Florida. If LSU wins this game and wins out, they will play Florida (again) in Atlanta, and both teams are well aware of this. Both of these teams have a tremendous amount of talent on both sides of the ball.

This series has had some weird stretches. The home team lost for what, 15 consecutive years in the 80’s and 90’s. Shaun Alexander put it best, “The tide don’t lose in Baton Rouge”. Following that logic, Alabama is in trouble, since this game is at Reginald Denny stadium. Forget all that crap, this game will be decided by coaching, and Les is going up against Darth Vader. What else do you need to know?

Alabama 21
LSU 17

Doug says:

This is the game of the week. Alabama will beat LSU just like they’ve beaten everyone else. It won’t be sexy or dynamic. It will be a methodical, forceful deluge. The Tide will impose their will, three to four yards at a time, and there’s nothing LSU can do about it. By the fourth quarter, the score will be relatively close, within 10 points or so, but LSU’s spirit will be broken as they know they won’t be able to do anything against that Tide defense.

Baloney Sandwiches 24
Jambalaya 14

Bubb says:

Games like this is why I became a fan of tha SEC. Coach Saban against his old team. Coach Miles runnin’ fake punts and field goals. My cousin Cornelius lives in Birmingham and knows all about Bama fans. Me and Magee done been to Baton Rouge before, so I know all about LSU fans. The fightin’ outside the stadium might be better than tha football game.

Rednecks 31
Cajuns 14

Memphis at Tennessee

Dave says:

While this is another crappy game, at least its an attempt for a rivalry. The problem for Memphis is that the rivalry his extremely one sided. That won’t change this weekend either. Hey to Derrick Rose.

Cover Two 40
Cover Up 13

Doug says:

Congrats, Memphis, you are sacrificial lamb #4 this week. Tennessee has really seemed to right the ship, and are playing with confidence. I shall cease from making fun of Jonathan Crompton, since he’s become startlingly effective in recent weeks. I don’t know whether to be happy for him, or be fearful of the impending apocalypse. Memphis is just flat-out putrid this year, and it looks like the team and fans has quit on Tommy West. This won’t be the final nail in his coffin, but it may be the next-to-last one.

Rocky Top 41
Tiger High 3

Bubb says:

I watched Memphis play East Carolina on TV, and there wuz nobody at the game. I mean, tha stadium was empty. And then Carolina just flat whooped Memphis. This week, they ain’t playin’ East Carolina. I gots a soft spot in my heart for Lane Kiffin cuz he coached my Raiders for a year. He likes to run is mouth, and that’s what Oakland folks like. His boys gonna hand out an Oaktown-style whippin’ this week.

Big Orange 55
Memprho 0

Vanderbilt at Florida

Dave says:

Vanderbilt gave Georgia Tech all they wanted for three quarters. The problem for Bobby Johnson is that the game lasts four quarters. After facing Paul Johnson’s abusive running attack, now the Commodores face Tim Tebow and his ruthless rushing attack. In addition, the game is in the Swamp.

Florida 37
Vanderbilt 16

Doug says:

Congrats, Vanderbilt, you are sacrificial lamb #5 this week. It looks like Florida righted the ship against Georgia. Meanwhile, Vandy was frisky with Georgia Tech before finally giving up the ghost. They won’t be quite as spry with the Gators this week, and I’ll be moderately surprised if the Commodores can muster many first downs, let alone points. Since Bubb is here, I won’t steal any lines from him this week. I don’t want to get knifed or anything.

Gators 48
Gator Bait 0

Bubb says:

My soul bruthas are done. I had high hopes for them at the beginning of tha year since they went to a bowl game last year. But they’re sorry again. Florida is gonna put a beatin’ on them and Tebow is gonna be givin’ out free piggy back rides for all tha Vanderbilt defensive linemen. I think Bama gonna get ‘em later, but until then, tha Gators got clear sailin’ ahead.

Tebows 55
Easy Like Sunday Morning 7

N. Arizona at Mississippi

Dave says:

Wow, Northern Arizona, can you sense the excitement? Ole Miss started the season with lofty expectations, but now they hope to salvage a winning season. They move one step closer to the latter.

Ole Miss 31
N/A 7

Doug says:

Congrats, Northern Arizona, you are sacrificial lamb #6 this week. Congrats, Ole Miss, every talking head is mocking you (when they really should be mocking themselves for being so quick to jump on your bandwagon). I still think the Rebs have a good football team, and they can still do a lot of damage with LSU, Tennessee, and MSU ahead of them on the schedule. But, playing two Division AA schools (or whatever the heck the NCAA is calling that division these days) means that the Rebs have to win 7 to gain bowl eligibility. They’ll get their sixth win this week, but after that, all bets are off. And shame on them for playing this schedule.

Confederates 38
Roadkill #6 14

Bubb says:

What a turrible schedule Ole Miss has. I hear they students be getting in trouble for sayin’ “The South Will Rise Again” when they play tha fight song or whatever. The school had to get rid of that flag, then that mascot, and now this. Coach Nutt is glad for this mess, cuz it is taking attention away from tha football team. Well, he’s glad for this mess until it comes time to recruit. I told Magee when Ole Miss hired Nutt, his first year would be his best. And now look what happened. Crazy Coach O ain’t there to bring in talent anymore. But yo, have fun whippin’ another cupcake this week.

The South Will Rise This Week 42
We Will Collect A Check This Week 10

Last week:

Dave (7-1)
Doug (6-2)
Jesus Muscatel (6-2)

Season:

Dave (58-11)
Doug (56-13)
Guest Dave (6-2)