September 4, 2010

Welcome to Two Daves Pick the SEC!  If the weatherman isn’t a lying SOB, we should have some nice weather for opening kickoff at most of the SEC games this weekend.  I’m not sure what the deal is, but it seems LSU is involved somehow with hurricanes at the start of football season.  This time its Earl, in North Carolina, where the Tigers play on Saturday.  At least its far from the coastline.

It appears that The Blind Eye may not be produced after all, it seems that the NCAA has emphatically told Mississippi to go screw themselves, Jeremiah Masoli is not playing football this year.   I rarely agree with something the NCAA does, but on this one, I do.  Masoli has had his second, third and fourth chances.  Allowing him to transfer after he was kicked out of Oregon sets a dangerous precedent.  So Houston Nutt can cry like the little bitch he is, but that’s not gonna change the outcome.

Doug sez:

Holy crap!  Football season week one, otherwise known as Roadkill Weekend, is upon us at last!  Now we get to find out the answers to burning questions we’ve been asking ad nauseum over the summer:

-          Will Arkansas or Georgia be able to stop anyone?

-          Can Alabama overcome massive losses on defense to repeat?

-          Can Brantley make Gator fans forget Tebow?

-          What does the OBC have up his sleeve at Carolina?

-          Is there anyone who does less with more than Les Miles?

We did have one question hilariously answered earlier this week, when the NCAA firmly denied immediate eligibility for Jeremiah Masoli for this year.  I mean, those Nazis at the NCAA should protect the best interests of the student athlete.  This young man has long dreamed of coming to the deep south to study Parks and Recreation.  The fact that Ole Miss had an immediate opening for starting QB was purely coincidental.  Perhaps things would’ve gone better for Ole Miss if the Touhys would’ve adopted him.  At the very least, things would’ve gone better for Sandra Bullock, because she would’ve gotten to reprise her award-winning character in The Blind Side 2:  Crime and Punishment.

To be fair, Ole Miss is appealing the decision, and Houston Nutt’s basis is valid:  “I got me a slower, dumber version of Jevan Snead, a JUCO QB with a noodle arm, and a 175 lb private school walk on at QB.  I need this kid.”  Okay, so that’s not the stated public basis for the appeal, but wouldn’t we all respect the Rebs a little bit more if they were just honest and admitted it?

Southern Miss at South Carolina
Dave:

This one has upset written all over it.  I’m serious.  Southern Miss has a knack for season opening upsets.  If Stephen Garcia doesn’t have a good game, the AKC may find themselves fried.  I have faith in Ellis Johnson controlling the USM offense, and that will be the saving grace for the chikinz this weekend.

AKC 24 – USM 17

Doug:

Things start off on Thursday night with the Mustard Buzzards traveling to Cackolackey.  This isn’t your father’s USM team; they’ve gotten softer since the departure of Jeff Bower.  The most interesting thing about this game will be watching how Spurrier handles Stephen Garcia, and in turn, how Garcia handles the offense.  Ellis Johnson will scheme up the defense to keep the Buzzards punchless.

Cocks 31 – Buzzards 10

Miami (OH) at Florida

 Dave:

Wouldn’t it be cool if all of the Gator fans at Ben Hill Griffin stadium this weekend got themselves a Tim Tebow friar hairdo?  I doubt that happens, but I do know this, Florida should POUND Miami into the ground.  It would be the bitchslap of the week if I knew how this gator team does minus so many starters gone to the NFL.  Still a dominating win.

Chomp Chomp 52 – Miami OH SH** 10

Doug:

Florida breaks in their un-Tebow signalcaller here, but Brantley is fortunate enough to have a slew of talent to hand/throw the ball to.  He won’t be tested much in this one, but that will change soon enough. 

 Gators 48 – Gatorbait Roadkill 7

Louisiana-Lafayette at Georgia

Dave:

This should be an advanced scrimmage for Mark Richt’s boys.  He knows all eyes are on his defense in particular.  The question is, can the defense show up?  Pitching a shutout here would make a strong statement.  Then again it is U LA LA.

Jawga 37 – U LA LA 13

Doug:

I don’t know much about the Ragin’ Cajuns this year.  Georgia probably doesn’t either, and it shouldn’t matter.  It will be interesting to see the Dawg defense in action, however.  This will be a good tune-up for the UGAs.  The offense will need to be clicking on all cylinders when they start playing real competition.

 Big Dawgs 31 – Coonass Roadkill 17

Kentucky at Louisville

 Dave:

Can Batman stop the Joker?   Who knows!  I know this, in this game, expect the unexpected, it’s a big rivalry game to start the season off.   There have been times I’ve expected Louisville to hammer UK, and UK pulls it off.   What do I expect this year?  I think Joker has a few tricks up his sleeve and will pull them out to make a great first impression with his alumni. Lose and he’s starting off on the wrong foot.

Kentucky 27 – Louisville 24

Doug:

This game is compelling every year.  At least it was when Louisville was good.  Now, they are breaking in a new coaching staff.  Kentucky is breaking in a new head coach, but not really.  Joker Phillips has been around for a while.  Look for the Wildcats to run the Wildcat and cause the Cards fits on the edge, and bring another non-conference victory home for the SEC.

Hal Mumme 31 – Denny Crum 10

Jacksonville State at Mississippi

 Dave:

No, this isn’t Jacksonville, Florida, hometown of Lynyrd Skynyrd.  It’s Jacksonville State from Sweet Home Alabama headed to play the new Mississippi Kid.  Well, this didn’t work out like I had planned since the NCAA nixed Jeremiah Masoli.  So I have to go in another direction.  The “new” Mississippi Kid might want to focus seriously on his Parks & Recreation degree program, his “new” program.   Not everyone gets a sixth chance.

Mississippi 31 – Lord I’m coming home to you 10

Doug:

No Masoli, no problem.  Nutt could play QB himself in this one, and the Rebs shouldn’t have any problems.  In fact, Ole Miss should have no problem going 6-6 this year, even if they have to run Jerrell Powe out of the Wild Rebel.  Their schedule is that easy.

Giggity 48 – Roadkill 10

Tennessee-Martin at Tennessee

Dave:

UT Martin head to UT Knoxville.  Isn’t that kinda like cannabalisim ?  Anyway, Derek Dooley begins picking up the pieces of the Kiffin train wreck in front of 100,000 or so of his new best friends.    Hey this is a coach that got his Louisiana Tech team up to beat Mississippi State in its season opener a couple of years ago.  Wait, that was in the Sylvester Croom era, nix that.   Tennessee wins this one walking away.

Tennessee 34 – UT Martin 10

Doug:

It’s the start of the Derek Dooley era, and the best thing about it is that he’s not Lane Kiffin.  He’s the anti-Kiffin.  Never has boring, bland, and unremarkable been so attractive in a head coach.  Then again, the Vols just had that two years ago, so we’ll see how long they put up with it here.  No concerns for the new coach this week, though.

 Rocky Top 41 – Redneck Roadkill  7

Arkansas State at Auburn

 Dave:

Arkansas State tied Mississippi State at homecoming in Starkville in the early Jackie Sherrill days.   Tiebreakers are here now, and this one will not be remotely close.  It’s the BICHSLAP OF THE WEEK! Auburn will do things that should not be shown on TV.  Disgusting, vulgar, lewd and nasty things.  Don’t let your kids watch this. 

War Beagles 55 – But we tied Jackie once 13

Doug:

The team formerly known as the Indians travels to the plains to do battle with the Fighting Chiziks.  Or maybe they’re just going to collect a check.  We’ll find out soon enough if the Tigers are ready to take the next step.  This week, we’ll just find out how much of a basketball score they’ll put up.

 War Tigers 55 – Politically Correct Roadkill 17

Tennessee Tech at Arkansas

 Dave:

If Arkansas had anything resembling a defense, this would be the bitchslap of the week.  It still may be one. 

Hogs 49 – TT 16

Doug:

Magee always says to RESPECT TECH.  Unfortunately, he’s not talking about THIS Tech.  Petrino’s gonna try to hang a hundred in this one.  He’ll probably get halfway there.

Sooie  51 – Roadkill 7

San Jose State at Alabama

Dave:

MOTHER OF GOD, MARK INGRAM IS HURT !  So freakin’ what.  When you’ve got Trent Richardson on the bench and three or four five star freshman behind him, who cares?  Richardson gets his 100 in the first half, the new guys get theirs in the second.  Saban probably cuts Ingram’s scholarship to make room for another 5 star in February.

Bammey 34 – Jose 10

Doug:

No Mark Ingram?  No problem.  Coach Saban will be all vanilla, all the time, keeping things close to the vest in preparation for Penn State.  That will be plenty to slaughter this bunch of nobodies.

Crimson Legends 38 – West Coast Roadkill 3

Memphis at Mississippi State

Dave:

Did I mention that Arkansas State once tied Mississippi State in Starkville?  Oh yeah.  What about Louisiana Tech upsetting the Dogs in the season opener two years ago?  Whoops, I did.  Oh well, there is a new sheriff in town, and he’s not saying a word about his team.  Rumors galore that starting QB Chris Relf has a torn tendon in a finger, Mullen categorically denies it, one player syas yes, but he’ll be fine.  The real question is, can Mullen replace Anthony “49er” Dixon’s 1400+ yards?  We’ll find out some of that this weekend.

Mississippi State 27 – Memphis 13

Doug:

Memphis generally plays their neighborhood SEC teams (Ole Miss, State) pretty tough.  At least they used to.  This edition features a new coaching staff ill-equipped by Conference USA standards, a team full of retreads and thugs, and memories of last year’s ugly 2-10 record fresh in their minds.  Optimism is high in Starkville and the cowbell is legal (more or less).  Will Mullen have mercy on the Tigers?  Will the maroon fanbase ring responsibly?  Will the Dawgs run it up in retaliation for Memphis not letting them wear their white jerseys?  We’ll see.

Viva Starkvegas 48 – Tiger High 10

Northwestern at Vanderbilt

Dave:

I don’t know about you, but this is a crappy way to start your tenure as a new head coach in the SEC.  Why didn’t Vanderbilt line up some pansy for its season opener, like Ole Miss does every year? 

Northwestern 24 – Vanderbilt 10

Doug:

When you’re as historically bad as Vanderbilt is, you should probably use the Ole Miss method for scheduling non-conference.  That model dictates that you play cupcakes, cupcakes, and more cupcakes.  Then, you only have to go 2-6 in conference to get that weekwhacker bowl bid.  Unfortunately, Vandy can’t even get that right.  While everyone else is playing Directional Roadkill U this weekend, Vanderbilt locks up with a tough Big Ten team.  Considering they’d have enough trouble with Middle Tennessee State, this doesn’t bode well for the Commodores.

 Big Ten Supernerds 28 – SEC Supernerds 17

LSU at North Carolina

Dave:

Lester the Molester heads to North Carolina, a game Tennessee doesn’t want to play.  This will be a good game, probably one of the most competitive of the week.  I’ve always given Les the advantage for season openers and postseason play.  That is until he let Penn State beat him.  A little voice is telling me to pick North Carolina.  A big voice is telling me that LSU has more talent on its bench that UNC does.

LSU 24 – UNC 21

Doug:

This is the game of the week.  At least it had the potential to be.  I’m hearing that there may be some eligibility issues with some of the UNC players.  Color me shocked.  I always thought Butch Davis was the John Wooden of college football.  Well, if that’s the case, Lester Miles is the Isiah Thomas of college football.  Fortunately for Tiger Nation, talent goes a long way toward overcoming coaching gaffes.  The Tigaahs will make a statement on Saturday, and that statement is, “We’ll be annoyingly mediocre this year, but we’ll do just enough to beat teams like this.”

Coonasses 31 – Tarheels 28

August 30, 2010

Welcome to Two Daves Pick the SEC!   Adding to the typically long and cruel wait from spring practice to fall camp, its been hotter than hell.  For we hath endured the heat and the wait for the glorious return of football season, and it is finally here!  The Southeastern Conference, home of four straight BCS championships by three different teams, continues as the premier league in the NCAA.  One can argue that the BCS title is decided in Atlanta with the SEC Championship Game while the bowl game is a formality. 

Worthy of a personal note here:  Lane Kiffin, you are a coward.  You cheated at Tennessee then you cheated Tennessee itself.  The University if left to deal with your aftermath from your brief one year stay.  Hell hath no fury like a scorned SEC fan.

Completing the other half of the Two Daves is Doug Miller.  What?  Doug isn’t a Dave?  Hey, it starts with a D and has four letters in it, and he writes some funny stuff.  He’s a Dave alright.

Doug sez:

It’s been an extremely difficult summer.  Much of the southeast has been mired in a brutal heat wave.  The days have dragged.  But the light at the end of the tunnel has always been visible, even if it was a long way back there.  Well, the light is upon us as we approach the start of college football!   

Is there any question that the SEC is the best college football conference in the land?  A lot of the talking heads are giving some love to Ohio State, but we all know how things are going to turn out for them in January.  Texas?  Oklahoma?  Good luck.  The SEC is the only place where random SEC West matchups in October are almost as compelling in quality as any BCS bowl game.

From a prognostication standpoint, this season may be the toughest to pick yet.  Last year’s national champ, Alabama, is the favorite to repeat, but they have questions on the defensive side of the ball.  Florida is talent-rich, but this is 2010 A.T. (After Tebow).  Can the Brantley era be as fruitful?  A lot of folks are keenly interested in South Carolina this year.  Auburn is poised to take the next step.  You never know about LSU and Georgia.  One thing we know for sure:  it’s gonna be fun.

                                    Dave                       Doug

SEC West                    Overall,SEC         Overall,SEC

Auburn                    10-2 ,7-1             8-4 ,4-4

Alabama                 10-2 ,6-2             11-1 ,7-1

Arkansas                 9-3 ,5-3           7-5,3-5

LSU                           9-3 ,5-3             9-3 ,5-3

Mississippi State        7-5 ,4-4           7-5 ,4-4

Mississippi            6-6 ,3-5             6-6 ,2-6

                          Dave                 Doug

SEC East   Overall,SEC        Overall,SEC

Florida       10-2,7-1             10-2 ,7-1

Georgia       9-3,6-2                8-4,5-3

South Carolina       7-5,4-4             9-3,5-3

Kentucky      6-6 ,4-4            5-7 ,2-6

Tennessee            5-7,2-6             6-6,3-5

Vanderbilt         4-8,1-7             3-9,0-8

SEC West

Alabama

Dave:

The Alabama Crimson Tide completed its undefeated season with a win over Texas in the BCS Championship game.  The BCS trophy even made a stop in a Tuscaloosa Wal-Mart. Really.  There is a lot of good news in Tuscaloosa: The Tide still has Nick Satan as coach, Heisman Trophy Winner running back Mark Ingram, QB Greg “I haven’t lost a game as a starter since puberty” McElroy and Julio “AJ Who?” Jones.   Ol’ Nick has recruited a ton of talent into Tuscaloosa since his arrival.  That is where the good news ends. 

Alabama lost practically all of their starters on defense, with the biggest being Rolando McClain (now with Bubb Rubb’s Raiders), one of the best linebackers to play in Tuscaloosa in a long time.  As previously noted, there is plenty of talent on the bench, but there isn’t the experience that the 2009 starters had.  That will likely cost Alabama a couple of games this year.  The Iron Bowl probably decides if Alabama or Auburn goes to Atlanta.

Doug:

The Tide returns virtually all of their offense, including the best WR in the conference last year, Julio Jones, and the second-best RB in the conference last year (and ironically enough, the Heisman winner), Mark Ingram.  Defensively, the Tide has gaping holes to fill, losing 11 key contributors.  Sure, they have talent, but a lot of it is unproven.  Don’t expect Alabama to go undefeated this year.

Arkansas

Dave:

The Pigs made news this Summer when reporter Renee Gork showed up to an Arkansas press conference sporting a Florida Gator hat and was promptly fired.  Gork, a Florida graduate, admitted it was “a stupid mistake”.  Arkansas said they had nothing to do with her termination.  Sure, and there are lots of WMD’s in Iraq.

Bobby Petrino knows offense, and he’s got a potent one, lead by QB Ryan Mallet.  Mallett threw for an eye-popping 3,600 yards and 30 touchdowns last season.  It helps when you have great receivers like Greg Childs and Jerious Wright.   In fact, Arkansas returns nine starters on offense and they will put on a show this year.  So why isn’t Arkansas picked to win the West?  Defense wins championships, and Arkansas finished dead last in the SEC in 2009 in that category.  The Hogs will have a good year, but the lack of a strong defense keeps them out of Atlanta.

Doug:

The Hogs are the sexy pick to be the darkhorse this year, but I don’t see it.  Sure, Ryan Mallet is special, and Bobby Petrino is an offensive genius.  But the fact of the matter is that they’re going to have to score 40 a game to win, and that’s a good recipe if you’re a C-USA team, but it doesn’t bode well in the defensive SEC.  More food for thought:  Mallet is returning from a significant injury, and he’ll need to stay healthy this year if the Hogs want to see any success.

Auburn

Dave:

Gene Chizik turned a lot of heads with his impressive recruiting classes.  The influx of talent in two strong recruiting cla$$es will put Auburn in contention for the SEC West title.  The biggest pickup for Auburn is QB Cameron Newton, a former Florida player that transferred to Blinn Texas CC then signed with Auburn.  Newton is a big, strong quarterback, similar to Tim Tebow.  He has Tebow’s physical talents, but does he have the intangibles that Tebow had?   The answer to that question, in itself, probably determines how far Auburn goes in its title pursuit.   Auburn returns seven starters on a strong Malzahn offense and eight starters on defense.  Strong QB play is paramount to Auburn’s season, I think they will have it with Newton.  If Auburn is upset early in the season in Starkville, that could have a dramatic impact on their season.

Doug:

The Tigers made a tremendous turnaround last year, and you know they are going to continue to improve thanks to the genius of Gus Malzahn.  Auburn pulled in a huge QB signing in juco Cam Newton, who is perfect for their system.  Defensively, there are questions, but they should score enough to win their share of games.  Can they challenge the big boys?  Time will tell.

LSU

Dave:

Les Miles is on the hot seat.  Amazing that you can be the most successful coach over a five year span in LSU history, win a BCS Championship game in that span and be concerned for your job.  The concern may be legitimate.  While Miles has recruited a lot of talent to Baton Rouge every year in his tenure, there are times that the team is far from being a well coached team.  See the Ole Miss game last year.  Add in losing seven starters on defense, 2010 doesn’t look like LSU will be headed back to Atlanta anytime soon.

The good news for the Tigers is that they have one of the best cornerbacks in the country in Patrick Peterson.  This guy is amazing.  Jordan Jefferson is capable of being a solid quarterback, but it seems he gets injured and misses some key points in the season.  Jefferson also makes some really bad decisions at times.  Jarrett Lee is an interception machine, so if anything happens to Jefferson, LSU is really in trouble. 

Doug:

I struggle to put LSU finishing second in the West.  They have been inconsistent at best under Les Miles, but 90% of the programs in the nation would kill to be inconsistent like the Tigers are.  Their roster is rich with talent.  They have a challenging non-conference slate with North Carolina and West Virginia, but they do have Alabama coming into the swamp, which may decide the west.

Mississippi

Dave:

Jevan Snead is an idiot, but you already knew that.  Snead jumped to the NFL bus right after it had turned the corner and he landed face first in the street.  Adding to Houston Nutt’s agony is losing Dexter McCluster and Shay Hodge, two of the most productive players on the offense.  In fact the Rebels lost eight starters from its offense.  On defense, some key starters are gone as well, such as Greg Hardy, who could take over a game.  Throw in QB Raymond Cotton transferring out, and the picture looks pretty bleak in Oxford.   Despite all of this, Mississippi could end up in a bowl game this year because of a schedule  loaded with cupcakes.  There is one other thing.  Jeremiah Masoli.

Masoli, kicked out of Oregon because he is a repeat criminal, transferred to Ole Miss last month.  Because of an NCAA loophole that allows players that have graduated to transfer elsewhere, Masoli will be instantly eligible.  Houston Nutt, more desperate than a Vietnamese Hooker, signed Masoli right up.  Nutt has done a disservice to Masoli and Mississippi with this move.  I’m sure that there will be a movie out next year, The Blind Eye: The Nutt-Masoli story.

Doug:

The Rebels will come back to earth this year.  They will certainly find themselves in a bowl, primarily due to their ridiculously easy schedule.  It’s going to be a long conference slate for the Rebs, though, with the deep losses to graduation on both sides of the ball.  Incoming QB Jeremiah Masoli certainly helps matters, and is a perfect fit for Houston Nutt’s offense, provided he gains eligibility. 

Mississippi State

Dave:

Dan Mullen is the most energetic coach in the nation.  You would never know that he has a losing record as a head coach.  His Dawgs were one foot away from being in a bowl game, just ask LSU.   Its tough to say what this team will be like this year.  Mullen doesn’t allow reporters to observe practice, nor did State publish statistics from its one scrimmage.  Either Mullen is hiding deficiencies or he’s a genius.  If State can upset Auburn, that puts the Dawgs on track for a winning season and bowl game.  It doesn’t help Gene Chizik to know little about the 2010 Bulldogs.  Chizik will know this:  Anthony Dixon, the SEC’s leading rusher in 2009, is gone.  Tyson Lee, the smallest QB in the SEC that threw interceptions like crazy is gone too.   State’s dominant rushing game won’t  have the horsepower of 2009, but it does have Chris Relf at QB.   Relf showed flashes of great play in the 2009 season, and occasional problems that left him suspended for a couple of games.   Mullen is one of the best coaches in the SEC and he’s going to prove that this season against one of the five toughest schedules in the nation.

Doug:

No, that’s not a misprint.  The Bulldogs improved rapidly last year in Dan Mullen’s first as head coach, and they have significantly more talent on the roster this year.  They might have the best defensive line in the conference, and are strong on the offensive line as well.  SEC fans know that if you’re strong in the trenches, you’re in good shape.  Their problem is at QB, so they’ll go as far as their skill guys can carry them.  A difficult schedule will keep them from seeing a New Year’s bowl, but expect the Dawgs to upset a couple of teams and go bowling this year.

SEC EAST

Florida

Dave:

Urban Meyer retired, the Gator nation had heart palpitations, then Meyer reneged and returned after a brief leave of absence.  I applaud Meyer for recognizing that his family and his heath were both at risk and doing something about it.  How does this affect Florida Football?  Very little.  What will hurt the Gators this year is the loss of Tim Tebow, the heart and soul of Florida football the last four years.  John Brantley does have great running backs Chris Rainey, Jeff Demps and Emmanuel Moody returning, and that will certainly help.  There are problems on the other side of the ball – Florida lost defensive coordinator Charlie Strong, a very good coach.  Much like Alabama, Urban Legend has recruited relentlessly and has a roster stacked with top shelf talent.  These talented players must replace six starters on each side of the ball.  Experience, or the lack thereof, will cost Florida a game or two this year.  I wonder if Gator fans still prefer football over sex?  Maybe the 2010 census will enlighten us.

Doug:

The Gators spent a hefty amount of time ranked number one last year, but their offense was never quite as stout as the 2008 version.  Dan Mullen’s departure had something to do with that, I’m sure.  Because the defense took a step back, and now they’ve lost Tim Tebow, I foresee some issues on the offensive side of the ball.  The Gators are loaded with talent, however, so I expect them to be in Atlanta this December.

Georgia

Dave:

In the eyes of the confessor, there’s no place you can hide.  Mark Richt is one of the longest tenured head coaches in the SEC, which typically means its time for the regime to change.  Richt has no place to hide this year, he need to step up and show significant progress.  Otherwise, he’s likely looking for a job. The problem in Athens?  Defense, or the lack thereof.  While Richt is able to field a good offense every year, his Achillies heel has been defense.  When he has had a good defense, he’s been able to win the SEC East and the SEC title, the last being in 2005.  Five years is a long time at a school with high expectations.  Georgia does still have AJ Green, a fantastic receiver.  Green will need to be patient and help his young QB’s to try and be successful.   With RB Washaun ”Hit and Run” Ealey being suspended for at least one game, Georgia will be searching for playmakers.   I wonder what the odds are of a ninth Georgia player being arrested are?   The Fulmer cup may become the Richt cup at this rate.

Doug:

Dawgs are going to move the ball on offense.  There’s not much doubt about that.  Their problem is on the defensive side of the ball, where they were bad last year.  Now with a new defensive coordinator, and a new outlook, hope springs eternal. 

Kentucky

Dave:

Rich Brooks decided to retire as Kentucky’s head coach.  Brooks did a very good job at Kentucky, taking the Cats bowling several years.  Offensive Coordinator Joker Phillips takes over as the head coach and he’s got some good players to work with.  Derrick Locke should have a solid senior year, he’s a good back.   Which QB will step u and take control for the Cats, Morgan Newton or Mike Hartline?  If one of them does and gets the ball to playmaker Randall Cobb, Kentucky may have another good season.

Doug:

Rich Brooks decided he’d rather be fishin’, so as a result, we see the beginning of the Joker Phillips era.  The good thing is that Phillips has been around as offensive coordinator, and there shouldn’t be much in the way of changes under the new regime.  What does this mean for the Wildcats?  Well, this pretty much means that they’ll be good good enough to flirt with bowl eligibility, but they won’t be much of a threat to the big boys.

South Carolina

Dave:

Steve Spurrier enters the 2010 season poor mouthing Stephen Garcia.  These guys seem to have a weird love-hate relationship.   Spurrier just cannot seem to find the QB he needs to run his offense these days.  The AKC does have defensive mastermind Ellis Johnson, which is always a plus.  Johnson will be searching to find a replacement for monster LB Eric Norwood.  If South Carolina doesn’t step up and win the east this year, I don’t know that Spurrier can get it done.  Maybe he’s lost his touch.

Doug:

Is this the year that the Gamecocks take the next step?  We’ve all been wondering about Steve Spurrier, and whether he’s lost his magic, the game has passed him by, or if he’s just tired.  This year will probably give us the ultimate answer.  The Cocks look strong on both sides of the ball, and will probably go as far as their enigmatic, inconsistent, but talented QB, Stephen Garcia, can take them.  If he struggles, you know Spurrier will have a quick hook.

Tennessee:

Dave:

I wonder if some entrepreneur  has started selling Lane Kiffin dolls to burn in effigy?  Lane Kiffin toilet paper, urinal mints, pinata’s, the possibilities are endless.  There is no love loss for Kiffin in Knoxville, that is for sure. 

Derek Dooley picks up a program that has the NCAA snorting around it, a new QB, and two more players tossed from the team after trouble with the law.  Maybe Janzen Jackson and Nu’Keese Richardson will be picked up by Houston Nutt.  Tennessee will struggle this year as Dooley tries to rebuild the program.

Doug:

Things are looking rough on Rocky Top.  I have a few UT friends who are in denial and expecting big things, but let’s face facts:  this is going to be a struggle.  This isn’t Derek Dooley’s fault; he’s just been dealt a tough hand, with departing talent, a new system installed, and the NCAA sniffing around the program.  The Vols didn’t see a dropoff in offseason criminal activity, however.

Vanderbilt:

Dave:

Vanderbilt took a big blow with the loss of Bobby Johnson, who abruptly retired, citing personal reasons.  Inheriting the mess in Nashville is Robbie Caldwell.  I don’t think Vanderbilt will have a good season, they have a tough schedule and little talent to work with.

Doug:

Bobby Johnson surveyed what he had coming in this year, and said, “Screw it, I’m out.”  Enter Robbie Caldwell, who was the darling of media days.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t have much to work with this year.  Expect the Commodores to bring up the rear in the SEC East, a spot they are accustomed to.

Editor’s note: This was written before Urban Meyer’s change of heart and decision to remain the head coach of the Florida Gators.

Welcome to Two Daves Pick the SEC! The Hiroshima of SEC football occurred yesterday as Urban Meyer announced his resignation as Florida’s head coach. Shockwaves are still being felt around all of college football with many programs fearing that phone call from Jeremy Foley. I’d like to applaud Meyer for taking the appropriate steps to take care of himself and his family. Sure, they have plenty of cash, but if daddy dies from a heart attack, no amount of cash will replace daddy. Family first, without exception, and Urban has learned that. Many programs are now concerned that UF and it Brinks truck will come take their coach, let the games begin!

Doug says:

Well, it pains me to say that the 2009 season is pretty much over. Since we last spoke, we saw Alabama barely escape Auburn in the Iron Bowl, and Mississippi State smack around Ole Miss in the Egg Bowl. Impressively, there are ten SEC teams in bowl games this year, and honestly, Mississippi State was a whisker away from making that number eleven.

Of course, the big news is Urban Meyer and his sudden resignation at Florida. This news is rocking the college football world, and it could significantly change the coaching landscape in the conference. It will be interesting, that’s for sure.

Our boy Bubb Rubb is back in the house!

Bubb says:

Bubb Rubb back at ya. Where did my Soul Bruthas go? My Commodores, fresh off a bowl win, finished in the cellar and one of only two teams that didn’t go to a bowl! Damn, that’s wack! My soul bruthas were down, my Raiders are down, my UAB Blazers were down. Bubb may just have to give up football. Nah, you crackas know I can’t do that. Let’s pick some games.

Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl, Nashville, TN
Kentucky-Clemson

Dave says:

This game features two big-time playmakers in UK’s Randall Cobb and Clempson’s CJ Spiller. Both of these guys have the ability to get large chunks of real estate on one play. Throw in that Clemson has suspended four players from the game for the infamous violation of team rules, and that has the potential to make this really interesting. The bottom line will come down to the running game; Kentucky cannot stop one and Clemson has a solid one. Mississippi State’s Anthony Dixon set a school rushing record 252 yards at Kentucky and Spiller has Dixon-like talent. The Wildcats will rely heavily on Cobb and the rest of the cats to put points on the board to have a chance in this game. I think the inability to stop the run game will lead to UK’s demise. UK will put up a good fight in a close one. Rich Brooks will be the next coach at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.
Clempson 31
UK 27

Doug says:

This one should be interesting. Historically, ACC teams come in and lay eggs in the Music City, it seems. Heck, Vandy (!) won this bowl last year. But, I think this is a bad matchup for the SEC representative this year. I don’t think Kentucky has the offense to get it done. I hope I’m wrong, but we’ll see.

Clempson 28
Mildcats 20

Bubb says:

I told y’all before, Kentucky gonna be my new favorite SEC team, just as soon as they get old crusty-azz Rich Brooks outta there and bring in my boy Joker. The only problem is that Coach Brooks keep taking Kentucky to bowl games, so he ain’t going nowhere for a while. Clemson’s got my by CJ Spiller, and I hope the Raiders pick him up some day. By the 4th quarter, Kentucky’s gonna be tired from chasing him all over the field.

CJ Shoulda Won The Hiesman 34
Waitin On Joker 21

AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl, Shreveport, LA
Texas A&M-Georgia

Dave says:

Both of these teams have had an up and down season. A&M was chugging right along when Arkansas steamrolled them. Georgia has been much like Cybil this year. Defensive inconsistencies cost UGA’s DC Willie Martinez his job, along with other defensive coaches. All of this just in time for playing a red-hot A&M offense. The Aggies are in the top 25 in the offensive categories that count, yet they too have major defensive woes. The team that can control the line of scrimmage will win this game. If Georgia keeps up its recent pace of running for 250+ per game, they win. If the A&M offense gets going in full speed, they probably win in a cakewalk. Georgia beat Arkansas, who skulldrug A&M – that logic usually fails miserably. Flip a coin on this one. Mark Richt will be the next coach at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.

UGA 34
TAMU 31

Doug says:

The Aggies have given up points in bulk this year, but they did play a whale of a game against Texas to end their regular season. My litmus test on Georgia this year has centered around QB Joe Cox and the time of day the game is played. In day games, he’s generally struggled, and so has his team, but in night games, he’s a different player. So, due to the late afternoon kickoff, expect Georgia to get off to a slow start while the sun is out, but pour it on late after the sun sets.

Dawgs 38
Texags 24

Bubb says:

My girl L’il Sis still like Georgia, even though David Greene ain’t around no more. Coach Richt had him a rough season, but I think he gonna get it fixed. He prolly won’t have any hair left by then, though. They should beat A&M, but then again, they lost a few games they shoulda won this year.

Hairy Dawgs 31
12th Man 28

Chick-Fil-A Bowl, Atlanta, GA
Virginia Tech-Tennessee

Dave says:

Both of these teams put up stellar fights against Alabama, who is playing for the BCS title. Frank Beamer has had a tremendous career at Virginia Tech, while Lane Kiffin sometimes coaches, sometimes talks way too much and is apparently a pimp with the “Orange Pride” gals helping him recruit. To have the NCAA up in your business in the first year as a head coach is usually a bad omen. Jonathon Crompton started the season looking terrible, but he has progressed a great deal through the season. Eric Berry picked up his Thorpe award and is probably playing his last game as a Volunteer. On offense, these teams are matched up well, both putting up almost 400 yards and 30 points per game. Coaching is what will make the difference in this game. Monte Kiffin is one of the best defensive minds in all of football. That said, Frank Beamer has a stellar resume himself and he knows how to win.
Lane Kiffin will be the next coach at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.

Vajanyuh Tekk 27
Tennessee 21

Doug says:

My gut just tells me that Virginia Tech is the better team here. Every time I’ve picked against the Vols this year, it’s come back to haunt me, but I just don’t see Crompton and company winning this one.

What’s a Hokie? 24
Rocky Top 20

Bubb says:

Y’all know I like me some Lane Kiffin. Once a Raider, always a Raider, baby. He been talkin’ smack all year, about Florida, about Alabama, about whoever. But his team been backing it up, too. I like me some Coach Orgeron, too. Yeah, he crazy, but he crazy like a super-recruitin fox. These damn Vols gonna be tough to handle real soon.

Coach Kiffin 21
VT 14

Outback Bowl, Tampa, FL
Northwestern-Auburn

Dave says:

Gene Chizik’s first year on the plains turned out to be a good one with Auburn finishing 7-5, and within a hair of beating Alabama to end the season. Northwestern has won five of its last six games, impressive in itself. Auburn will use a healthy dose of Ben Tate and Ontario McCalebb to wear down Northwestern, and there will be enough Chris Todd throwing the ball to keep the defense honest. Auburn should win this one. Gene Chizik will be the next coach at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.

Auburn 31
Northwestern 24

Doug says:

How happy are Auburn fans to be back in a major bowl game? I didn’t hear much about Northwestern this year, so I don’t know what to expect from them here. But, I do know this: when it’s Big Ten vs. SEC, you can generally count on the SEC to get it done.

War Tigers 28
Wildcats 14

Bubb says:

Auburn in tha Outback Bowl? Damn, that’s wack! Not only do they get a big bowl, but they also get them a team that they should whip. I mean, Northwestern had them a good year and all, but 3 losses in tha Big Ten? And they expect to come down south and beat Auburn?

Chizik and Malzahn 31
Whatever 10

Capital One Bowl, Orlando, FL
Penn State-LSU

Dave says:

The old man versus the hat. If this game comes down to coaching, LSU is in trouble. There are some good matchups to be seen in this game, particularly Penn State’s passing game against LSU’s secondary. LSU’s biggest problem is injuries, particularly at tailback. The only back healthy is Trindon Holliday, and he cannot carry the ball 20+ times a game. Hey Les, here’s a hint, Chad Jones, can probably run the ball well too. The on thing LSU has going for it is the fact that they have mercilessly beaten the crap out of their opponent in the post season under Miles, winning by an average of 28.5 points per game. I don’t see that happening here, they don’t have a run game to balance out the passing game, and that is a problem. Les Miles will be the next coach at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.

Penn State 24
LSU 21

Doug says:

As I said earlier, Big Ten vs. SEC is generally bad news for the boys up north. This one should be no exception. The only thing that concerns me is that Les Miles is a Big Ten guy, and his teams have underachieved the last couple of years. LSU has the better team on paper, so I’m going that way, but don’t be surprised to see JoePa’s boys pull the upset.

Coonasses 21
Yankees 20

Bubb says:

Hmm, my coonass friends think this be a cakewalk. I think LSU got the talent to make it a cakewalk, but the thing is, they gots the talent to make every game they play a cakewalk. Somethin’ ain’t quite right with my boy Coach Miles.

Coonasses 24
Joe Paterno’s Old Ass 17

Allstate Sugar Bowl, New Orleans, LA
Cincinnati-Florida

Dave says:

This game just got really interesting. Florida is now losing Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow after this game, and already lost DC Charlie Strong. Of course, Cincinnati has lost Brian Kelly. I’ll say this right now, it doesn’t matter. Florida’s players will play at about 130% to ensure their coach goes out on a winning note. When you have the level of talent that Florida does, that means trouble for the opponent. Tebow, Cooper, Hernandez, Demps, Rainey, and that is just on offense. Dunlap, Spikes, Haden – these guys will bring their A game as well. Not a good time to be a Bearcat. Urban Meyer will be the next coach at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.

Florida 42
Cincy 24

Doug says:

Let’s see…Urban Meyer is coaching his last game here, and Cincinnati is coachless, with their head guy already gone to Notre Dame. Yeah, this is not going to be pretty.

Gators 35
Gator Bait 17

Bubb says:

I like Cincinnati. They look like a buncha gangstas on tha football field. But their coach is gone, and you never know how that’s gonna go. They got a good QB, but Li’l Sis say he’s got him some real skinny legs and Florida’s defensive line prolly gonna kill that poor white boy. I think she’s right.

Gators 28
Gangstas 21

Papajohns.com Bowl, Birmingham, AL
South Carolina-Connecticut

Dave says:

The visor takes his AKC to Birmingham to face the Huskies of Uconn. These two teams have had their ups and downs this year, with Uconn having the biggest downer in the stabbing death of CB Jasper Howard. Uconn has a solid offense that puts up some great numbers. The Spurrier Fun N’ Gun is really more of just a gun now, there’s not much fun in the offense, with them shooting themselves in the foot at times, thus the gun. One thing I would not like if I were Uconn is that USC’s DC Ellis Johnson has had a month to prepare for my offense. Johnson is a mastermind and he will have his defense ready. Eric Norwood might eat two or three players for fun before heading to the NFL. USC is good enough to win this game, and I think they will. Spurrier will take the reins back over at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.

AKC 24
Uconn 20

Doug says:

The ol’ ball coach has gotta be thrilled about returning to Legion field. I don’t think he’s been there since the good old days…when the SEC championship game was played in thirty degrees and sleet. Uconn is in for a culture shock, and then a reality check. I don’t think they belong on the field with an SEC team, even if that SEC team is Carolina.

Cackolackey 31
Uconn 10

Bubb says:

My cousin Cornelius lives in Birmingham and he be tryin’ to get me to come visit him and go to this game, but I don’t want to. I’m from the Oak Town, where we roll hard, but even I don’t want to walk through the hood in Birmingham. Those playas don’t play over there. I don’t think Uconn knows what they gettin’ themselves into. Carolina already be in tha dirty south, so they gonna feel at home.

Dirty South 28
Up North 17

AT&T Cotton Bowl, Dallas, TX
Oklahoma State-Mississippi

Dave says:

Last year, Ole Miss went to Dallas and handed Texas Tech its ass. That, of course, led to the preseason hype this year with Ole Miss debuting in the top 10. Then reality set in and the Rebels finished in third place in the SEC West. Oklahoma State, well, I’M A MAN! Mississippi State laid the gameplan out to beat Ole Miss, run the ball effectively and limit Dexter McCluster as much as possible. Both of these teams and their fans will enjoy Jerry’s World more than the game itself. Of course, you would expect that with a billion dollar stadium. I think Snead will have a decent game and McCluster will go off like a bomb. Houston Nutt will be the next coach at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.

Ole Miss 31
Oklahoma State 21

Doug says:

The Rebels got pounded in the Egg Bowl, and it cost them a bigger bowl. But still, the Cotton isn’t a bad consolation prize. They’re gonna get their butts kicked if they aren’t ready to play, though. Oklahoma State’s coach is a man; he’s forty. I’m going to pick the Rebs, but I won’t be surprised if they lose, either.

Confederates 24
T. Boone’s Boys 21

Bubb says:

Coach Nutt’s boys be limpin’ into their bowl game after tha asswhippin’ they got in tha Egg Bowl. Coach Nutt flirted with tha Kansas job, too. I think he be a good coach, but he just goofy. My boy Dexter McCluster should have a big game, but if he don’t, look out. I’m bettin’ that he does.

Old South 31
Cowboys 17

Autozone Liberty Bowl, Memphis, TN
Arkansas-East Carolina

Dave says:

WOOOOOOO PIG, SOOOIE! Bobby Petrino’s Hogs ended the season on fire, putting up a tremendous amount of offense with Ryan Mallett throwing the ball very well. East Carolina is no slacker, they put up good numbers as well. Bobby Petrino will be Florida’s next head coach. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.

Arkansas 37
East Carolina 30

Doug says:

Arkansas looks like a C-USA team this year: high-powered offense, suspect defense. Don’t sleep on those East Carolina Pirates, though. Arkansas will have the home crowd advantage, and that may be just enough to pull them through.

Hogs 28
Pirates 24

Bubb says:

L’il Sis wuz watchin’ tha Today Show last week and somebody wuz holding up a sign that said Pig Sooie on it in tha crowd. The guy on tha show was like, “whatever that means”. Exactly, man. Bubb just don’t get it. But 50,000 folks will be screaming it in Memphro.

Pig Sooie 31
C-USA 17

Citi BCS National Championship Game, Pasadena, CA
Texas-Alabama

Dave says:

This game is what you expect with nine million dollars of coaching. Mack Brown just signed a cool $5 million a year deal and Nick Saban is set up at $4 million a year. Texas got lucky and squeaked past Nebraska in the Big 12 title game, while Alabama skulldrug Florida. The problem with picking this game is that most of the time, the number one ranked team with a Heisman winner usually chokes in the MNC game. Take 1992 for example, #2 Alabama beat the crap out of #1 Miami with Heisman winner Gino Torretta.
Alabama has a lot of weapons in Mark Ingram, Trent Richardson, Julio Jones, Marquis Maze and Greg McElroy. Their play against Florida speaks volumes about their ability. The Tide has a smothering defense that can make multiple big plays in a game. Leigh Tiffin is a golden kicker and completes the Alabama dominance in all three phases of the game. Texas had quite an arsenal as well; Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley have been lovers for four years now, and they hook up all the time. Wow, that didn’t sound good. James Kirkendall is also in the mix with McCoy and Shipley. This won’t end well, I better stop here. What is really interesting here is that Will Muschamp, Texas’ defensive coordinator and coach in waiting was an assistant at LSU under Nick Saban. Muschamp knows what Saban likes to do, and that gives Texas an advantage. The question is, does Texas have the firepower to counter what Alabama’s offense is going to do? I cannot say for certain that they do or do not. Alabama does not have Nakamadong Suh on its defensive line, but they do have Mount Cody. He’s not the sackmaster that Suh is, but he is still very effective. I think this one will be close at the half and Alabama will pull away in the second half, much like they did to start the season against Virginia Tech. Oh yeah, Saban’s contract has no penalties for him leaving, so he’s going to be the next coach at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true. Should Texas win this game, Will Muschamp will be the next coach at Florida. You just read it on the internet, so it must be true.

Alabama 30
Texas 17

Doug says:

The talking heads will dissect this one to death leading up to the game. Nick Saban vs. Mack Brown. Colt McCoy vs. Mark Ingram. Blah, blah blah. Here’s all you need to know: Alabama has the defense to shut down Texas. Period. The national championship will remain in the SEC where it belongs. I sure hate to see it in Alabama, though. Their fans are insufferable enough as it is.

Roll Tide 27
Hooked Horns 17

Bubb says:

This one be for all tha marbles. Alabama’s defense is nasty. I mean, like old Raiders nasty. I don’t think Mark Ingram deserved tha heisman, but he’s a good back and will prolly run wild on Texas. Alabama’s defense is gonna be on Colt McCoy all day, though, and that’ll be tha difference. I wish Coach Saban would come coach my Raiders. So does everyone else in tha SEC

Alerbamma 31
Steers 10

Welcome to Two Daves Pick The SEC! Undefeated Alabama and undefeated Florida meet in Atlanta this weekend to decide who plays for the BCS Title game. In between the lines, this game also decides who gets to skulldrag TCU. It appears that Bobby Bowden got the message loud and clear, courtesy of Urban Meyer. Mississippi State is still running all over Ole Miss and Arkansas continues to give LSU fits. Such is life in the SEC.

Doug says:

Sadly the season is pretty much over now. College football season is easily the fastest three months of the year. Luckily for us, some of the better games were saved for the final week of the season. We saw Auburn and Alabama in a 12 round heavyweight fight that Alabama was able to squeak out in the end. We saw scintillating matchups in LSU-Arkansas and Tennessee-Kentucky, each taking overtime to settle. We saw Mississippi State absolutely take Ole Miss behind the woodshed in a big victory for Dan Mullen’s program. We saw Florida give Bobby Bowden a kick to the rear end as a retirement present. We saw South Carolina and Georgia pick up big, big out-of-conference victories. And now, we see ten (that’s right, ten) bowl eligible teams in the conference.

Now, we turn our attention to the SEC championship game. This is probably the real national championship. Texas is a fine football team with a legitimate Heisman candidate in Colt McCoy, so apologies to them, but Alabama and Florida are the two best football teams in the land. One of them will be watching the national championship game from home, too, which is unfortunate. But this is the SEC, where our cellar teams would compete for titles in your leagues. Our boys beat each other up all year just to give also-rans from other conferences an opportunity to slip into the national conversation. Yeah, I’m a SEC snob, but I’m also right.

SEC Championship Game: Alabama vs. Florida

Dave says:

This super heavy weight match will compare to Frazier versus Ali. Defense wins championships, and both of these teams have fantastic defenses. There are other similarities: both of these teams rely heavily on the rushing game, both pass enough to keep defenses honest, both play solid special teams, and both have top $helf coaching staffs. Oh yeah, there’s this little thing called the Heisman Trophy. Tim Tebow and Mark Ingram are both in the mix, and a strong showing here can make a huge difference in who wins. Colt McCoy will do his best to wrap it up this weekend as well.

Alabama got jacked up early by Auburn but managed to put enough together to earn a win in a heated rivalry game. Florida simply mauled Florida State. Does that mean anything here? Likely not. Both of these teams know what is on the line and had the same experience last season.

The wild card here is Carlos Dunlap, the latest DUI SEC player. Florida managed ok without Brandon Spikes for a couple of games, but Carlos Dunlap is a great defensive player that makes a lot of great plays. His poor decision off the field is going to hurt his team. Tackling Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson requires the best talent you’ve got. With Dunlap on the bench, who knows what will happen.

Conversely, Florida has the best tight end in the nation in Aaron Hernandez; the guy defines clutch. He will test Alabama’s linebackers and secondary. Then there’s that Tebow guy..

Defense will rule this game, and the difference might come down to a drunk driver. I think Florida’s experience and the tremendous effort Tim Tebow gives will be the difference. I’d be more confident in Florida with Dunlap. As it stands…

Florida 17
Alabama 16

Doug says:

This is a matchup of very similar teams. Both have the ability to play stifling defense. Both like to control the ball on offense. Both are spectacular in special teams play, and have home run threats as returners. Tim Tebow had a rough patch with turnovers around mid-season, but he’s seemed to rectify that. Greg McElroy has been inconsistent at times, but
has been good enough. Both teams have tremendous possession receivers. Oh yeah, I almost forgot; the two best coaches in the nation may be facing each other in this game, too.

So, how do you handicap a game between two teams that blew through the SEC undefeated and are so similarly matched? Well, you don’t. I mean, Magee and I will give it a shot here, but the reality is that it’s a guess. Flip a coin. They’re that good.

In my mind, Im leaning toward Florida. They have a lot of big-game experience and a QB with a couple of national championship rings. The difference in QB play is probably what’s going to be the determining factor here, and Tebow, simply put, has been there, done that. I do not foresee Mark Ingram, Alabama’s primary offensive weapon, having a big day against Florida’s defense, even without Carlos DUI Dunlap. Julio Jones is going to need McElroy to play well for him to be a factor. Javier Arenas will have an opportunity to change the game, but then again, so will Brandon James.

So, I expect a low-scoring defensive slugfest, with Florida doing just enough to win it in the end. But I would not be surprised to see a low-scoring defensive slugfest with Alabama doing just enough to win it in the end. Really, it’s too close to call, but I’ll try…

Urban Legends 21
Crimson Legends 20

Welcome to Two Daves Pick The SEC! It’s Black Friday, so shopping malls are abuzz. What does that mean? There’s a lot of guys left alone at home that will take full advantage of this situation and watch every game on TV, SEC or not! The marquee game is the Iron Bowl, Alabama’s own version of extreme hatred. ESPN keeps pimping the Boise State – Nevada game. That should be the Boise State scrimmage with Nevada.

I was delighted to find that the man, excuse me, INS, had not disturbed longtime Two Daves friend Jesus Muscatel since he made an appearance a few weeks back. Since Jesus is a free man, he’s back this week as the Guest Dave.

Doug says:

Well, it’s the final week of college football’s “regular season,” if there’s such a thing. We’ve seen quite a collection of interesting and surprising things occur, from Auburn’s early return to relevance, to Ole Miss’s early return to mediocrity, to Georgia’s season to forget. We’ve seen Tennessee look like powerhouses one week, and like pushovers the next. We’ve seen Vanderbilt return to being, well, Vanderbilt. We’ve seen LSU’s Les Miles run out of magic dust. We’ve seen Mississippi State be relatively competitive against a monster schedule with a midget for a QB and at least six true freshmen getting extensive playing time. We’ve seen Kentucky, Arkansas, and South Carolina get bowl eligible and win some big games, but also underwhelm at times. And after all of that, we see exactly what we expected: Alabama and Florida playing for the SEC title. And what a game that’s going to be, huh?

After this week and championship week, we get a steady diet of hoops until the bowl games kick off. As much as I love college basketball, it’s just not the same. Regardless, I’m paying tribute to some of the names of past SEC hoopsters with my picks.

A little birdie tells me that Bubb will be back for the Bowl Edition. He’s got plenty of time to prepare, so that should be good stuff. Stay tuned.

Jesus Muscatel rejoins us for a second stint as Guest Dave. We love Jesus and you should too.

Jesus says:

Greetings to all my brethren in Two Daves Land from Louie’s on The Lake on South Padre Island, where Rick Stansbury’s Mississippi State cagers are checkin’ out the chicks and I’m buyin’ shots for anybody ready and/or willing to rig the Texas Lottery in favor of mi hermano Willie Muscatel. We’ve run this scam before and got deported for all our troubles. But hey, la migra, that’s an inconvenience, not real coppers. Anyway I think State’s fixin’ to play the Barking Spiders from Richmond. I found out what a barkin’ spider was in the men’s room at closing time at a bar in Chicago back in the day. Trust me, you wanna keep your distance …Jesus Muscatel keeps his distance from the man, you know what I’m sayin’???

Alabama at Auburn

Dave says:

Hatred, Alabama style. Other conferences have rivalries, the SEC is choc full of hatred. Auburn-Alabama, State – Ole Miss, Florida-Georgia. This game has a little more meaning than the usual Iron Bowl. Alabama is in the mix for the BCS title game, Auburn is trying to position itself for a better bowl game. A win over Bama would be icing on the cake for Gene Chizik.
Auburn is capable of playing pretty good football, but they’ve also choked a few times (hey to UGA). Alabama’s defense is playing near an NFL level – they are tremendous. A strong showing here might be the nudge to get Mark Ingram the Heisman. I think this will be a tight game.

Elephants 27
War Beagles 23

Doug says:

The Iron Bowl is appointment television every year. Tommy Tuberville pretty much owned the Tide, whether they want to admit it or not, and I’m still at a loss for why Ears had to lose his job last year. But what’s done is done, and now Alabama comes to the Plains with a 1-6 record in the last seven meetings. Or as your standard Bama fan would put it, “Alabama looks to continue the domination this year ROLLTIDE LOLZ!!!1!11!”. With that said, the Tide should win this game. Auburn has returned to competitiveness, but I don’t think they can hang with Alabama for 60 minutes. This one will probably be like all the others…relatively close and methodical with the Tide eventually pulling away.

Latrell Sprewell 28
Charles Barkley 17

Jesus says:

My bookie took a lot of action on Auburn, and he’s nervous about that 12-point spread. Me, I partook in the spread over in Matamoros the other day for an early Thanksgiving — Frito Pie, enchiladas, fried turkey and Corona. You know, across the border they use real sugar in Coca Cola products instead of corn syrup like in the States. Anyway Nick Saban was pretty syrupy in “The Blind Side.” Was doin’ his LSU coach thing while pledgin’ allegiance to Bear Bryant, John Hannah and Mike DuBose’s secretary behind their backs … Anyway I like the Tide, but not to cover.

Alabammy 27
Aubiemammy 20

Clemson at South Carolina

Dave says:

Another Heisman contender, Clempson’s CJ Spiller, needs a strong showing today to have a chance in winning the trophy. The problem? He’s facing Ellis Johnson’s defense, which is a pretty stout unit. So it’s a lock for USC, right? Not so fast my fine feathered friends, USC seems to fall apart at the end of the season and I always pick this one wrong. Spurrier is 1-3 against Clempson, something I never thought would happen.

Clempson 27
AKC 24

Doug says:

Every year I make the mistake of going with the Cocks in this game, and more often than not, I end up regretting the decision, as SC has lost six of the last seven in the series. I won’t make that mistake this year. If my pro-ACC pick this week ends up biting me in the rear end when USCe wins, then so be it. My humility will gladly be sacrificed for an SEC win in this game. At some point, though, you’d think the OBC would have enough of losing to his little brother. Maybe this year will be different. I’m hoping, but I’m also doubting…

Elden Campbell 31
Alex English 21

Jesus says:

Since coming to the Chicken Coup, our boy Darth Visor is 1-3. He gets the Clemson Clods at home this time. I think he’s gonna win. Don’t ask me why, I think he’s gonna win. Then again, my daddy, Gen. Francisco Muscatel, had money on Egypt in the Six-Day War. That didn’t work out so good.

Columbia Cluckers 23
Go to Anderson, S.C., and take a left 13

Mississippi at Mississippi State

Dave says:

The Egg Bowl, Mississippi’s own version of extreme hatred. This rivalry is right up there with Auburn-Alabama. The game is in Starkville, so Ole Miss’ best fans, the KKK won’t be at this game. After a sluggish start and choking away some games, Ole Miss has gotten red hot at the end of the season, just like last year. Unlike last year, when Jevan Snead got red hot, the reason for this year’s success is Dexter McCluster. Dexter has extreme quickness and can leave guys breaking their ankles trying to catch him.

Mississippi State features future NFL draft pick Anthony Dixon. Dixon has run extremely well this year, well over 1,000 yards and owns almost every rushing record at State.

Rebel fans love to point to last year’s 45-0 bitchslap. That was last year, and if they are not looking forward, they will be in trouble. Sylvester Croom is gone and the Dawgs will not roll over in an effort to get rid of their coach (hey, it worked well last year). Ole Miss will win this game, but State will be very competitive.

Ole Miss 34
State 27

Doug says:

Ah, the egg bowl. Thanksgiving hasn’t been the same without being able to watch this game from the couch, in a tryptophan-induced coma. Maybe one day they’ll move it back to Thanksgiving night. For my money, the hatred and venom of this game is on par with any other in the SEC, and it was fun to see it in full glory on ESPN Prime Time. As for this year’s game, Ole Miss should win. I expect State to be competitive, and I expect the stadium to be loud. If Snead shows up to play, Ole Miss shouldn’t have much trouble. If the State defense can get to Snead, then it will be interesting. After seeing Ryan Mallet torch the State defense last week, I am comfortable in saying Snead will likely have a field day.

Ansu Sesay 38
Erick Dampier 28

Jesus says:

Lemme see if I got this right. The Bulldogs got the Thanksgivin’ stuffin’ knocked out of them up in Little Rock on Saturday, and they threw the ball 13 times. In Lubbock, that’s called cuttin’ off your nose to spite your face. In Brownsville, we call it spittin’ in the face of conventional wisdom, or trying to pole vault your way over Rio Grande River into the States. Good luck with dat. Ole Miss is pretty lucky to have run into the Les Miles Encounter Group on Saturday, so I think the Nutt of Houston will have the Rebs’ attention this week.

Cussin’ Colonel Rebs 28
Dogcussion’ the Dawgs 13

Florida State at Florida

Dave says:

Word on the street is that Florida fans have organized to wear eye black to honor Tim Tebow. I think that’s a great tribute to an exceptional person. There’s not a lot of football players that spend their off time traveling the world for missionary trips. Love him or hate him, Tebow is a very special person and a very good football player. A strong win here and Tebow might pick up another Heisman.

Bobby Bowden is hanging on for dear life in Tallahassee. There is a movement to send him on his way and let Jimbo Fisher, the infamous coach in waiting, have the reigns. Defensive Coordinator Mickey Andrews is retiring at the end of this season, and Bowden needs to take a hint. Urban Meyer will provide some encouragement for Bowden to go ahead and leave. Joe Pa needs to go with him.

Chomp Chomp 34
I’ve fallen and I can’t get up 21

Doug says:

So, papa Bowden has been catching some heat this year. It’s time for him to go. He really doesn’t do anything anyway. They’re paying him to stand around while everyone else coaches. Jimbo Fisher should be the one on the hot seat, right? And while Florida State will continue their bowl streak this year, they are a pretty mediocre football team. The Gators destroy mediocre football teams, by the way. Over/under on number of “Dadgums!” yelled during the game: 26.

Mike Miller 41
Sam Cassell 21

Jesus says:

Somebody, please, tell me this game ain’t on CBS on Saturday. Wait, it is? Are you serious? I’ve seen so much of Tebow I thought he was pushing a shopping cart down Aisle 3 of the Piggly Wiggly the other night. He had some Rosarita refries, some tequila and a coupla chicks by his side, neither of whom would admit to bein’ his girlfriend. I said, Yo, Timmy Boy, I’m down with dat, why buy the dairy when you get all the milk you want? Still, I’m sick of the guy. And 23 points is too much for a rivalry game, even one that’s gotten this lame on account of FSU’s incompetence.

Florida Orange Juice 35
Give Chief Osceola The Juice 17

Tennessee at Kentucky

Dave says:

Rich Brooks somehow keeps his team going, and a win here would improve the quality of a bowl game that the Cats will go to. Tennessee has had a good year as well, despite being unable to tackle Dexter McCluster. This one will be close.

Vols 24
We don’t have a McCluster 21

Doug says:

I thought Tennessee had it together until they laid that egg against Ole Miss a couple of weeks ago. After a pretty bland, but successful week against Vandy, I’m not quite ready to proclaim that the Vols are back on track. Kentucky has had a solid season, even if they did lose to Mississippi State. I think this one will be tight early, but UT will have too much for the Mildcats. Monte Kiffin’s defense should be too much for a freshman QB to handle.

Bernard King 28
Rex Chapman 14

Jesus says:

I like Rich Brooks. Really, I do. He was on a Carnival cruise ship one time with me and my homies, and we both happened to catch a glimmerin’ glimpse of Roselyn Sanchez on the Promenade Deck, taking a break from “Without a Trace.” I said to my boy Brooksie, ‘Yo, Richie baby, I’d like to be tracin’ that.’ He said, ‘Jesus, you’re a man of taste and integrity. Now have the pool boy bring me another margarita.’ He’s a nice guy, so I didn’t mind. Oh yeah, the Vols. They might be packing heat. But they won’t need it.

Pump Up The Vol-ume 31
Kentucky Rain Keeps’ Fallin’ Down 21

Georgia at Georgia Tech

Dave says:

Georgia Tech looks to finish the season undefeated against SEC teams. Of course, Mississippi State and Vanderbilt are the last placed teams in the conference. Georgia has laid a few eggs this year and they have pulled a few rabbits out of the hat. I don’t think Georgia has what it will take to stop Paul Johnson’s triple headed running attack. The seat heats up in Athens.

Georgia Tekk 31
Jawga 21

Doug says:

Every year, Georgia should dominate this game. Tech’s win last year was their first since 2000 in the series, and this year will make it two in a row. Georgia is wrapping up a season to forget, while Georgia Tech is in the top ten. Definitely, Tech’s defense is suspect, and Joe Cox will be playing at night, so this one will be fairly tight, with the Bulldogs putting up some points. But the Jackets will rush for about 400 yards and take control. Mark Richt hopes this season was just a bump in the road, but he’d better come up with a quarterback, and a defense, or next year may be his last between the hedges.

Matt Harpring 31
Dominique Wilkins 24

Jesus says:

You ever been to Bobby Dodd Stadium? Man, that thing is a relic. Jawga, I can’t figure out what’s wrong with those boys. They’ve got some talent. They’re just not winning any big games. Mark Richt was ridin’ on Easy Street two or three years back. Now he just looks like a more polished, better lookin’ version of Ray Goof, I mean, Ray Goff. These Yellowjackets know how to run the football.

We Do The ACC proud 38
We Do The Papajohns.com Bowl 24

Arkansas at LSU

Dave says:

Ole Miss extracted revenge for the Billy Canon punt return last weekend. LSU’s rancid game management cost them a win, and quite possibly much more – a BCS matchup. The hat clearly has no brain, and the Tiger nation is livid; rightfully so. Arkansas has hit a stride with Ryan Mallet and is putting up really good numbers. Arkansas has had LSU’s number as of late, so this makes this a very difficult pick. Flip a coin.

LSU 24 – Arkansas 21

Doug says:

You know, I said early on that if Leslie Miles suffers another loss to Arkansas, his seat will be on fire. Well, I don’t think he had to wait that long. Coonasses don’t take too kindly to losing to inferior football teams like they did last week. You can blame it solely on Miles, too, for the clock management blunders at the end of the game. His seat isn’t the only thing that’s hot, though; that Razorback offense is pretty hot in its own right. This one will be interesting, I think, but LSU will get it done in the end.

Stromile Swift 27
Corliss Williamson 24

Jesus says:

I wanted to save the best, I mean the worst, for last. You know you can get WWL Radio down here on the border at night, that’s a powerful puppy on the AM dial, and Deke Bellavia was on the air the other night, takin’ calls from slobberknockered Tigers fans with too much tequila and too much time on their hands. Yeah, we get it. The Mad Hatter lost his head up in Oxford. Gary Crowton’s probably gonna walk the plank. Then he throws his quarterback under the bus. Hey, the Hogs have won their last two against LSU. But the Tigers are playin’ at night, and if you listen to your everyday LSU fan … hey, that’s your problem, but they’re supposed to win. Good enough for me.

LSU 24
Arkansas 17

Welcome two Two Daves Pick The SEC! It seems like yesterday that everyone had high hopes and great expectations for their football teams. Today, we stand here with two regular season game weekends left.

Too bad that conference and national awards only go to players and coaches on winning teams, a few deserving souls are being left behind. Take Anthony Dixon at Mississippi State for example. He’s in the national top 10 statistically, owns virtually every rushing record at Mississippi State, yet he’s not even in the top 10 for the Doak Walker award? Come on people, he’s second in the SEC only to some guy named Mark Ingram, a sophomore Heisman candidate. After the Charles Woodson Heisman win over Peyton Manning, it became clear to me that these awards are all politics and have little to do with the best player, and that is a travesty.

Doug says:

Wow, the season is almost over. Where did the time go?

Last week, we saw Alabama dispatch Mississippi State in workmanlike fashion. They got the benefit of another questionable call in that game, but they didn’t need it. Meanwhile, Ole Miss was able to put their controversies aside for a few hours and put a buttkicking on Tennessee. LSU got a scare against Louisiana Tech (as Dave says, RESPECH TECH!), and Georgia got a big win over Auburn. None of this matters in the big picture, though, as Alabama and Florida are still on their collision course for the SEC championship. The only compelling race at this point is the jockeying for Music City / Liberty / Independence bowl berths.

Hey, we’ve got a guest Dave this week! It’s old friend of the program, Del B. Vista.

Del says:

It’s still pretty warm down here at Phase III, where the men wear white belts and the women are scared (of osteoporosis). We’re looking forward next week to a nice turkey dinner, a spiffy two-for-one Early Bird deal. We’ll be napping by 4:15 Thanksgiving Day. It’s a pretty middling week around the Southeastern Conference, where the biggest news may be a movie release, and not one featuring Tim Tebow’s not-girlfriend. The best game figures to match teams that have lost a total of five games, but whose fans feel like have lost sure national championships. The league’s two best teams pay off chumps to fill up their stadiums, the Volunteer State’s two SEC teams pay off folks to imagine this is a big rivalry game and the conference’s two Bulldogs play Hogs and Cats and dream of better seasons ahead.

Chattanooga at Alabama

Dave says:

The Tide rolled right through Starkville last weekend. Carl Torbush’s defense had more holes in it than the Jon Benet Ramsey case. Yes, it was that bad. The good news for Bama fans is that Greg McElroy seemed to get back on track, having a solid performance in Starkville. So a scrimmage this weekend, bitter rival next weekend, then the SEC title game.

Alabama 42
Chatta-scrimmage 13

Doug says:

Alabama gets a much needed break this week, where they don’t have to rely on underhanded tactics and crooked officials to win a football game. Mind you, they’ll probably take advantage of that stuff anyway, but they won’t need it. They’ll have plenty of opportunity to rest starters, and the coaching staff is probably looking forward and preparing for the Iron Bowl, anyway.

Crimson Legends 41
Roadkill 10

Del says:

The Crimson Tide have running back Mark Ingram, who might win Bama’s first Heisman. They also have wide receiver Julio Jones, who without a doubt is the best player on that team. The Chattanooga All-Century Team has a defensive back named Mike Hunt (really, I’m not kidding), but the Mocs’ best player ever is undoubtedly a wideout. Terrell Eldorado Owens isn’t walking through that door, Mocs.

We’re Here For the Payday 7
We’re Here For the Party 50

Mississippi State at Arkansas

Dave says:

Here we have an interesting matchup – the unstoppable passer, Ryan Mallet, versus the unstoppable runner, Anthony Dixon. Of these two, the guy that sets the tone will be the winner. If it’s a physical running game, State wins. If it turns into a passing game, Arkansas walks away with a win. Mississippi State has improved a lot this year on offense, but they have taken a step back in defense, and that is on Carl Torbush. If Dan Mullen keeps this assclown around, then it’s on him next season.

We can pass 37
We cannot 24

Doug says:

For most of this season, Mississippi State has shown remarkable improvement. Dan Mullen has taken a midget quarterback, a bunch of true freshmen, and a bad offensive line, and somehow produced a solid offense. The defense hasn’t come around, though, and Mullen could do himself a huge favor by kicking Carl Torbush to the curb. Anyone with a doubt as to whether Torbush belongs should watch this game. All doubt will be removed. This is a terrible, terrible matchup for Mississippi State. Their only hope is that they can control the ball by pounding Anthony Dixon five yards at a time and keep the Razorback offense off the field, because when they’re on the field, they’re scoring, and there’s nothing Torbush and his crew can do about it.

Bacon 38
Hot Dogs 20

Del says:

Many years before moving to Phase III, I spent five years getting a degree in Starkvegas. As a long, long, longtime Bulldog fan, it feels better watching this year’s team than last years, but heading to Fayetteville with a leaky defense is frightening. Ryan Mallett has thrown for almost 1,000 yards in his last three games, with eight touchdowns. Tyson Lee has seen over the line of scrimmage eight seconds his entire life, and State’s defense has been sieve-like at times. State has to win its last two to get bowl eligible.

Better Luck Next Year 20
Good Luck Keeping Petrino 41

Florida International at Florida

Dave says:

Florida, much like Alabama, has a scrimmage, a hated rival and then the SEC Title game coming up. Tebow probably sets more records this weekend. Yeah, I’d call this the BITCHSLAP OF THE WEEK! Florida International will be mauled. Don’t let young children watch, they do not need to see this.

Florida 56
FIU 10

Doug says:

Much like Alabama, Florida gets a break this weekend. Rumors are swirling about Urban Meyer becoming the next coach at Notre Dame. My question is why in the world he would even entertain the notion. Notre Dame football isn’t what it once was. Meyer already has the best job in America. He can recruit effortlessly, he gets paid by the truckload, and he’s won two national titles. The counter-argument is that he’s got nothing else to accomplish at Florida, but I know if I were him, I wouldn’t be going anywhere. If he did leave, would Florida bring Spurrier back? Now, THAT would be fun. Oh yeah, back to the game…

Gators 65
Gator Bait 0

Del says:

FIU’s special teams coach is Apollo Wright. Unless he can play Master of Disaster on the Gators kickoff coverage team, diagramming touchdown returns following each Florida score, the Golden Panthers have no chance. FIU opened the season with a 40-14 beatdown at the hands of Alabama. Can the Golden Panthers stand up to the Gators any better? This game could provide some valuable insight into the SEC Championship game. You know, the transitive property? Any math geniuses out there?

International Lovers 14
International Haters 39

LSU at Mississippi

Dave says:

LSU travels to Oxford this weekend to face Ole Miss in somewhat of a rivalry game. The Tigers struggled at home at night against Louisiana Tech, and it was not pretty. Ole Miss looked ok against Tennessee, but Dexter McCluster looked like a rocket, chewing through Tennessee’s defense. I thought Monte Kiffin’s boys could contain McCluster, but they did not. It’s Senior day, Ole Miss is playing well right now and LSU is not.

Ole Miss 24
LSU 21

Doug says:

Ole Miss took Tennessee behind the woodshed last weekend, and I guess they finally played up to their potential in a big game. Can they do it two weeks in a row? Look, LSU is definitely beatable (heck, Mississippi State should’ve beaten them, and they didn’t exactly look like a powerhouse last week, either), but I’m not sure if Ole Miss can sustain the level of play they showed last week. I do know this: if Dexter McCluster can run wild on Tennessee, he surely can run wild on LSU. Yes, I’m stalling, because I don’t know who to pick here. I’ll flip a coin. Heads, Ole Miss; tails, LSU. First flip: tails. Second flip: tails. Third flip: tails. Okay, somebody is trying to tell me something.

Coonasses 28
Confederates 27

Del says:

Louisianians tend to think their teams are either the best in the world or the worst, never in between. They tend to think of their team this year as Tiggers rather than Tigers. Disappointing Ole Miss will certainly be distracted this weekend by the release of “The Blind Side,” a touching story of how an Ole Miss alum adopted a behemoth and turned him into a great offensive lineman. Let me know when the Tuohys adopt a 5-foot-6, 127-pound math genius. I’m ready to write the book: “The Axis of Symmetry: Quadratic equations and recruiting in the SEC.”

We’ve Lost Two Games and It’s a Disaster 23
We’ve Lost Three Games and It’s a Disaster 26

Vanderbilt at Tennessee

Dave says:

Vanderbilt versus Tennessee. Wow, exciting.

Tennessee 17
Vanderbilt 13

Doug says:

Two weeks ago, this one would’ve been a laugher. But the Vols then went to Oxford and got involved in a laugher of their own. I don’t think Vandy can win this game, but after the stinker the Vols put down last week, along with the off-the-field shenanigans (another player fighting the long arm of the law this week), their mental state may not be where it needs to be. I do know that Lane Kiffin needs to get control of his program, and fast. Even Phil Fulmer is shocked by the behavior.

Orange Jumpsuits 17
Easy Like Sunday Morning 14

Del says:

I like Bobby Johnson. I like Bobby Johnson a lot. I hope he can survive a down year, because coaching the Commodores can’t be easy. I don’t like Lane Kiffin. I don’t like Lane Kiffin much at all. I hope he bobs around mediocrity for a few years before running aground in the Tennessee River. And I’m not even going to talk about enriching oneself through parking lot entrepreneurism.

Glorified Version of a C-USA School 14
Glorified Version of a Pellet Gun 32

Kentucky at Georgia

Dave says:

Both teams are bowl eligible, and there’s really not much more to play for here, except maybe improving from the weed eater bowl to the liberty bowl. If Kentucky wins this game, I expect Mark Richt’s seat to get red hot.

Georgia 24
Kentucky 21

Doug says:

Georgia’s mascot, UGA VII, passed away suddenly this week. Whether you like the Dawgs or not, you’ve got to respect their UGA tradition. Kentucky doesn’t care. They hope to come in and kick the Dawgs while they’re down. Unfortunately for the Mildcats, they get Joe Cox in a night game. At night, he looks like an All-American. Kentucky will keep it competitive, but I think Georgia will end up winning one for UGA.

Hairy Dawgs 31
Mildcats 24

Del says:

Yawn. This game shows there’s not much to the SEC this year after the FloraBama juggernauts. It reminds me of this one time at Phase III when they brought in this ringer to run for condo board president. After he walked barefoot through the clubhouse, he tried to buy his way to the presidency. His tip calculators were “Willards” not “Wizards.” There aren’t any wizards in this game, either.

Willard the Mildcat 13.66666
Willard the Bullfrog 20.66666

Last week:

Dave (5-2)
Doug (6-1)

Overall:

Dave (71-13)
Doug (69-15)
Guest Daves (13-3)

Welcome to Two Daves Pick The SEC! I suppose that Urban Meyer is really glad that Lane Kiffin stole Nu’Keese Richardson from him. Three Tennessee true freshmen, including Richardson, were arrested on armed robbery charges, and they had some pot with them as well. That speaks volumes to what Kiffin is recruiting into UT. You can’t spell thugs without UT!

Doug says:

It’s a big college football weekend for some teams, while others are just glad to line up and play a game, and get out of the mid-week headlines. The Tennessee program is catching a black eye after three players were arrested and charged with armed robbery with – get this – a pellet gun. The nefarious activity took place in a high-visibility location, and the players, dressed in their “impossible is nothing” Adidas UT gear, attempted to make their hasty getaway in a Toyota Prius. Lane Kiffin will suspend each player for 1 quarter for the criminal activity, and for the rest of the season for being majestically stupid.

Meanwhile, in Oxford, the outrage is going viral after the administration has decided that the band shouldn’t play From Dixie With Love because it encourages the students to chant “The South Will Rise Again”. There are rumors of Klan marches coming soon. A video of an Ole Miss student hit youtube yesterday, in which he satisfies every old-south stereotype you’ve ever heard in a span of 30 seconds. It’s embarrassing for the school, the good folks that attend there, and the whole state. Meanwhile, under the radar, Greg Hardy has broken his wrist and is out for the year, which is a huge loss for the Rebel football team.

Tennessee at Mississippi

Dave says:

Colonel Rebel is crying. If you need a laugh, go search for that on youtube; it’s a classic. Dr. Jekyl Mr. Snead will face Eric Berry, one of the premier defensive backs in the nation. Berry is a great player, don’t get me wrong, but Monte Kiffin is why Tennessee’s defense can be dominating at times. The offense has resorted to pellet guns to dominate and that experiment failed miserably. I keep thinking Jonathon Crompton is gonna fall flat on his face, and he keeps playing well. If Tennessee can stop the super speedy Dexter McCluster, they win this game easily.

Tennessee 24
Ole Miss 17

Doug says:

As I mentioned earlier, both of these teams are just glad to be playing football. Tennessee’s criminal activity could have significant impact on the defense, as Jantzen Jackson, one of the alleged troublemakers, has been a major contributor. The other two won’t be much of a loss. Losing Hardy will be a big loss for an Ole Miss team who must get pressure on rapidly-improving Jonathan Crompton to be successful. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop for the Rebs: they’ve been underachieving all year, but they’ve got to get it together at some point, right? Looking at this from a high level, its the tale of two teams: one of them gelling and improving as the year progresses, and one of them just trying to gain bowl eligibility after being ranked #4 in the country at one point. The million-dollar question is how in the world Ole Miss is a four point favorite in this game.

Cant Spell Pellet Gun without UT 27
The South Will Rise Again 20

Kentucky at Vanderbilt

Dave says:

This game looked like it meant something in August. Little did we know that Vanderbilt would suck so mightily. From bowl champion to toilet bowl, the story of Vanderbilt football. Kentucky has played very well at times, winning at Auburn. The Cats should not have any trouble dispatching the Commodores. Vandy did hang well with Georgia Tech for three quarters, unfortunately, the games lasts four.

Kentucky 27
Vanderbilt 17

Doug says:

This was the match-up the powers-at-be dreamed of when the SEC signed their TV deal and announced that all games would be televised on the SEC Network. Smell those ratings! The Mississippi State loss was a setback for Kentucky, since they were really lined up for a bigger-tiered bowl. If they lose to Vanderbilt, their bowl game should be the least of their worries. I know they’ve had injuries, but there’s no reason the Commodores should have fallen so far this year. Could Bobby Johnson be on the hot seat? Does anyone even care?

John Calipari 31
Kevin Stallings 10

Florida at South Carolina

Dave says:

The Ol Ball Coach sees his Florida Gators come in to play his Gamecocks. Spurrier loves UF 364 days a year, but on this day, he will hate them like everyone else. Florida will see eye gouger Brandon Spikes back from his suspension. South Carolina has such inconsistent play from Garcia, I just do not seem them racking up points against a solid Florida defense. Ellis Johnson will slow Tim Tebow down, but that will not stop the outcome: TheGators chomp off the cocks!

Chomp 27
OUCH!! 13

Doug says:

Early on, I thought Coach Spurrier had finally taken the step we’ve all been waiting for him to take with the Gamecocks. Upon further review, nah, not so much. The storyline of Spurrier against his old team is still compelling enough for CBS to pick the game up, but I don’t expect this one to be much of a thriller. Carolina’s pass rush, combined with Florida’s suspect offensive line, will probably keep things interesting for a while. In the end, I don’t see Carolina being able to consistently move the ball. One thing I will say about Spurrier: the old fire is back. He was
spiking hats and headsets last week like it was 1996.

Jorts 28
Cackolackey 14

Alabama at Mississippi State

Dave says:

Mississippi State, for the most part, has given Bama a tight game for the last several years, winning about half of the last dozen games. Oddly enough, this series is Alabama’s longest against any SEC opponent, 93 years. War Beagles??

The matchup that doesn’t matter here is Anthony Dixon, the 8th leading rusher in the nation, versus Mark Ingram, the 5th leading rusher in the nation. Both of these guys are great backs, Dixon is more of a bruiser that wears you down, where Ingram has better quickness that equally wears you out.

I fully expect another heartbreaking loss for the Dawgs. We can only hope it’s because the better team wins on the field, as LSU did against State, and not because of the officials, as in State versus Houston and Florida. Alabama is blessed, they do not get game changing calls made against them, ever. They are enrolled in the Mike Slive protection plan, and they, like Florida, will not be allowed to lose a game before the SEC Championship game. If you believe that LSU didn’t get screwed by the refs, you are a Bama fan or a Mike Slive relative.

Alabama 24
Mississippi State 17

Doug says:

If you don’t think State has a chance to win this game, you may be in for a surprise. Long odds, sure, but consider this: MSU-Alabama is historically a slugfest, they’ve played .500 ball against each other over the last 14 or so years, and they match up well. The stadium will be full and rabid, the cowbells will be loud, and the intensity will be sky-high. I still think Bama will win the way they’ve done it all year: a slow,
methodical, forceful imposition of their will. They threw the ball more against LSU than I expected, but I look for Ingram to see the ball early and often this week. MSU will counter with Anthony Dixon, who’s every bit as good as Ingram, but I don’t think he’ll have as much success against that beastly Tide defense. Alabama is coming off an emotional victory that clinched the SEC West, so they could be flat. If that happens, look out. The wildcard here is the officiating crew, who will make sure all questionable, and some blatantly incorrect calls go the way of the Tide, as Mike Slive continues to preserve “the best interests of the conference.”

Mullets 24
Tractors 21

Louisiana Tech at LSU

Dave says:

LSU returns to the friendly confines of Tiger Stadium after being raped by SEC officials. Alabama was the better team, let me be clear on that. The fact that the
officials screwed LSU blind taints that win. Had the Patrick Petersen pick been called correctly, who knows what may have happened. The problem for Lester is that his team is pretty banged up. Louisiana Tech will be motivated to win some respect in Louisiana. RESPECH LATECH!! Who knows, Jarret Lee might throw a couple of pick sixes and Tech could win.

ELLESSYOO 34
LATECH 17

Doug says:

The Tigers need this game to lick their wounds from last week. Its hard enough to beat Alabama 11-11. When its 18-11, it’s next to impossible. It is criminal what the officiating crew did to the coonasses last week. I can’t understand, for the life of me, how the SEC can keep doing this to teams. Expect Mike Slive to announce a new policy to start fining and/or suspending ESPN commentators who criticize SEC officiating. The SEC commercials they air during the games should speak the truth: “We at the SEC believe in treating the symptoms, and not the problem. Our
institutions know their roles and keep their mouths shut, or else.”

Big Coonasses 31
Little Coonasses 14

Auburn at Georgia

Dave says:

This is usually a huge rivalry game, Georgia and Auburn love to hate each other. Auburn is a good football team and Georgia is not. Then again, Georgia did win at Arkansas while Auburn got skulldrug. Who knows what will happen. I think it will either be a very close game or Auburn will skulldrag Georgia. I wonder what Bubb’s lil sis is doing these days, she had a big ol crush on David Greene.

Auburn 27
Jawga 24

Doug says:

This game just doesn’t have the luster it normally does. Georgia is shockingly mediocre this year, and Auburn is up and down. I don’t know which way to go in this one. Georgia is the home team, and they’re playing at night, two big plusses for the Dawgs. Auburn’s Gus Malzahn scheming against the porous UGA defense is a big plus for Auburn. When in doubt, go with the home team.

Hairy Dawgs 31
War Tigers 30

Troy at Arkansas

Dave says:

Arkansas should stroll through this game, right? Not so fast my fine feathered friends! Troy is loaded with academically non-qualifying SEC players, they have the talent and solid coaching. The Pigs just have some kind of mystical power in games played in the state of Arkansas. Their offense can also rack up points when hitting on all cylinders.

WHOOOO PIG 31
Umba Eeba Ooba Ooba Umba 13

Doug says:

This one is much easier to pick, although Troy isn’t exactly a pushover. Expect this one to be tight early, before the Hogs eventually pull away late. Arkansas may be looking ahead to next week to their match-up with Mississippi State in a battle of teams teetering at the edge of bowl eligibility, but that shouldn’t matter.

Men of Wal-Mart 38
Men of Troy 17

Last week:

Dave (8-0)
Doug (7-1)
Bubb (7-1)

Season:

Dave (66-11)
Doug (63-14)
Guest Daves (13-3)

Welcome to Two Daves Pick The SEC! Alas, we are in the final month of the 2009 regular season. We have some really crappy games this week. Ole Miss versus Northern Arizona? It’s November, not September. This is the time of year for rivalry games and tough conference matches. LSU at Alabama, now that’s some serious November football. Making up for these football deficiencies, we are pleased to present our man BUBB RUBB! WOO WOOOOOO!

Doug says:

Well, regretfully, the football season is now coming down the home stretch. Most of the games this week will be easy wins for the home team. The only two compelling match ups are SC-Arkansas and LSU-Alabama. The dumbfounding match up is Northern Arizona-Ole Miss. How do you play two non-FBS teams in the same year? Speaking of Ole Miss, my how the mighty have fallen. At one time, #4 in the nation, and now, fighting for bowl eligibility. The Rebs still have to play Tennessee, LSU, and Mississippi State, and they face the prospect of going into the egg bowl and needing a win to get bowl eligible.

Bubb says:

Yeah, that’s right. Bubb Rubb back from tha dead. Magee say he’s been wonderin’ where I been, and he been wantin’ me to pick some games, but all he had to do was call me. Maybe he did call me back in August, but my phone was cut off for about a month, but he know where I stay, and he know I loves me some SEC football. You know, I gotta say that the man always gotta be holdin’ us back. My boy Obama got elected, but my boy Crooms got fired. One step forward, one step back. Rich Brooks needs to take his old ass to tha retirement home so we can get another brutha as a head coach up in here.

South Carolina at Arkansas

Dave says:

The luster came off of this game as the chickens laid an egg last week at Tennessee. Arkansas is a huge Jeckyl/Hyde team. We do not know which team will show up: the one that skulldrug Texas A&M or the one that lost to Ole Miss. I’m going to go with the home team.

Arkansas 27
AKC 23

Doug says:

Here we are, in November, and I still can’t get a read on how good Arkansas is. They’ve looked unbelievable in a win against Auburn, and they’ve looked putrid in a loss to Ole Miss. South Carolina, meanwhile, has been fairly consistent. They didn’t play like I expected them to last week against Tennessee, though. I think they’ll rebound this week as they visit the land of mobile homes and Wal-Mart.

Cackolackey 27
Sooie 24

Bubb says:

I don’t know nothin’ about Arkansas, but my cousin Cornelius say they got a real good offense, but their defense sucks. He knows what a sucky defense look like, too, cuz he a Raider fan just like I am. Common sense say an offensive genius like Coach Spurrier against a bad defense means bad things for tha Hogs.

Chicken 38
Pork 28

Tennessee Tech at Georgia

Dave says:

Tennessee Tech, an oxymoron, heads to Athens to play the battered Georgia
Bulldogs. Not battered just because Florida laid them out, battered
because they’ve not had a great season and Mark Richt is feeling the heat.
A resounding win here will not take the heat off of Richt, as Georgia is
supposed to win this game and most of its conference games every year.

UGA 34
TT 13

Doug says:

Congrats, Tech, you are sacrificial lamb #1 for this week. Georgia will win this one in a cakewalk, and they need it. They weren’t even competitive at the cocktail party last week, and that’s a problem. Maybe Georgia can pretend that this is Georgia Tech, and feel much better about themselves and their season. Then again, if they pretend this is Georgia Tech, they’ll lose by three touchdowns.

Hairy Dawgs 38
Roadkill #1 10

Bubb says:

What happened to Jawga?? Florida kicked that ass, and Coach Meyer didn’t even have to act a fool to do it. L’il Sis still say Mark Richt is her favorite coach, but he betta get his stuff together or he gonna be lookin’ for a new job soon. Maybe they can hire Coach Croom.

Jawga 31
Tech 17

Eastern Kentucky at Kentucky

Dave says:

Kentucky’s defense is still probably tired from the abuse administered by Anthony Dixon. Dixon ran for 252 yards and two TD’s against the Cats in Lexington. Dixon is three yards behind Alabama’s Mark Ingram in total rushing yardage for the season. Fortunately for UK, there’s a pansy coming to town. Even after UK wins this game, Rich Brooks will still look like someone peed in his cheerios.

Kentucky 31
eek! 21

Doug says:

Congrats, directional Kentucky, you are sacrificial lamb #2 this week. Kentucky is coming off a loss to Mississippi State in a game that head coach-in-waiting Joker Phillips called “the biggest game in the last 30 years”. Oops. Luckily for the Wildcats, they play a ridiculously mediocre non-conference schedule, so they should inch closer to bowl eligibility this week.

Mildcats 38
Roadkill #2 7

Bubb says:

I didn’t even know there was an Eastern Kentucky. Folks in Kentucky never heard of Eastern Kentucky. There will prolly be more folks at tha basketball scrimmage than at tha football game. You know, I’m gonna hafta start rootin’ for Kentucky. In basketball, Coach Cal is gonna thug it up with tha best talent in tha conference, as long as they can spell their name and stay off tha “blue grass”. Lotsa tats and cornrows. Adolph Rupp is already rollin’ in his grave. And then one day soon, Coach Brooks is gonna retire and we’re gonna get a brutha named Joker as head football coach. Yep, I gotta start rootin’ for Kentucky.

Wildcatz 55
I don’t even know what to call them 0

Furman at Auburn

Dave says:

Furman? WTF?? Just when you thought Ole Miss was bad with Northern Arizona, Auburn pulls out Furman? This one is already over; Furman will show up to collect a paycheck.

7 wins, woohoo! 44
We got some money 10

Doug says:

Congrats, Furman, you are sacrificial lamb #3 this week. Auburn returned to form last week in a complete dismantling of Ole Miss. And honestly, everybody laughed a little. Now Auburn gets a chance to tune up the offense a bit and rest their defense before heading into the home stretch. Chizik’s luster faded a bit when they lost three straight, but Auburn fans really should be happy with the results so far, compared with what the expectations were at the beginning of the year.

War Tigers 41
Roadkill #3 14

Bubb says:

I’ve heard of Furman before cuz I got some cousins that live in South Carolina. I don’t know nothin’ about their football team, though. I know enough to know that they gonna get rolled this weekend. I don’t know why Auburn had to fire Coach Tuberville, but at least I don’t fall asleep when I watch them play football anymore.

Aubrun 44
Carolina Representin’ 10

LSU at Alabama

Dave says:

Now here’s a big time game with big time implications. If Alabama wins, they are assured a trip to Atlanta for the SEC Title game against Florida. If LSU wins this game and wins out, they will play Florida (again) in Atlanta, and both teams are well aware of this. Both of these teams have a tremendous amount of talent on both sides of the ball.

This series has had some weird stretches. The home team lost for what, 15 consecutive years in the 80’s and 90’s. Shaun Alexander put it best, “The tide don’t lose in Baton Rouge”. Following that logic, Alabama is in trouble, since this game is at Reginald Denny stadium. Forget all that crap, this game will be decided by coaching, and Les is going up against Darth Vader. What else do you need to know?

Alabama 21
LSU 17

Doug says:

This is the game of the week. Alabama will beat LSU just like they’ve beaten everyone else. It won’t be sexy or dynamic. It will be a methodical, forceful deluge. The Tide will impose their will, three to four yards at a time, and there’s nothing LSU can do about it. By the fourth quarter, the score will be relatively close, within 10 points or so, but LSU’s spirit will be broken as they know they won’t be able to do anything against that Tide defense.

Baloney Sandwiches 24
Jambalaya 14

Bubb says:

Games like this is why I became a fan of tha SEC. Coach Saban against his old team. Coach Miles runnin’ fake punts and field goals. My cousin Cornelius lives in Birmingham and knows all about Bama fans. Me and Magee done been to Baton Rouge before, so I know all about LSU fans. The fightin’ outside the stadium might be better than tha football game.

Rednecks 31
Cajuns 14

Memphis at Tennessee

Dave says:

While this is another crappy game, at least its an attempt for a rivalry. The problem for Memphis is that the rivalry his extremely one sided. That won’t change this weekend either. Hey to Derrick Rose.

Cover Two 40
Cover Up 13

Doug says:

Congrats, Memphis, you are sacrificial lamb #4 this week. Tennessee has really seemed to right the ship, and are playing with confidence. I shall cease from making fun of Jonathan Crompton, since he’s become startlingly effective in recent weeks. I don’t know whether to be happy for him, or be fearful of the impending apocalypse. Memphis is just flat-out putrid this year, and it looks like the team and fans has quit on Tommy West. This won’t be the final nail in his coffin, but it may be the next-to-last one.

Rocky Top 41
Tiger High 3

Bubb says:

I watched Memphis play East Carolina on TV, and there wuz nobody at the game. I mean, tha stadium was empty. And then Carolina just flat whooped Memphis. This week, they ain’t playin’ East Carolina. I gots a soft spot in my heart for Lane Kiffin cuz he coached my Raiders for a year. He likes to run is mouth, and that’s what Oakland folks like. His boys gonna hand out an Oaktown-style whippin’ this week.

Big Orange 55
Memprho 0

Vanderbilt at Florida

Dave says:

Vanderbilt gave Georgia Tech all they wanted for three quarters. The problem for Bobby Johnson is that the game lasts four quarters. After facing Paul Johnson’s abusive running attack, now the Commodores face Tim Tebow and his ruthless rushing attack. In addition, the game is in the Swamp.

Florida 37
Vanderbilt 16

Doug says:

Congrats, Vanderbilt, you are sacrificial lamb #5 this week. It looks like Florida righted the ship against Georgia. Meanwhile, Vandy was frisky with Georgia Tech before finally giving up the ghost. They won’t be quite as spry with the Gators this week, and I’ll be moderately surprised if the Commodores can muster many first downs, let alone points. Since Bubb is here, I won’t steal any lines from him this week. I don’t want to get knifed or anything.

Gators 48
Gator Bait 0

Bubb says:

My soul bruthas are done. I had high hopes for them at the beginning of tha year since they went to a bowl game last year. But they’re sorry again. Florida is gonna put a beatin’ on them and Tebow is gonna be givin’ out free piggy back rides for all tha Vanderbilt defensive linemen. I think Bama gonna get ‘em later, but until then, tha Gators got clear sailin’ ahead.

Tebows 55
Easy Like Sunday Morning 7

N. Arizona at Mississippi

Dave says:

Wow, Northern Arizona, can you sense the excitement? Ole Miss started the season with lofty expectations, but now they hope to salvage a winning season. They move one step closer to the latter.

Ole Miss 31
N/A 7

Doug says:

Congrats, Northern Arizona, you are sacrificial lamb #6 this week. Congrats, Ole Miss, every talking head is mocking you (when they really should be mocking themselves for being so quick to jump on your bandwagon). I still think the Rebs have a good football team, and they can still do a lot of damage with LSU, Tennessee, and MSU ahead of them on the schedule. But, playing two Division AA schools (or whatever the heck the NCAA is calling that division these days) means that the Rebs have to win 7 to gain bowl eligibility. They’ll get their sixth win this week, but after that, all bets are off. And shame on them for playing this schedule.

Confederates 38
Roadkill #6 14

Bubb says:

What a turrible schedule Ole Miss has. I hear they students be getting in trouble for sayin’ “The South Will Rise Again” when they play tha fight song or whatever. The school had to get rid of that flag, then that mascot, and now this. Coach Nutt is glad for this mess, cuz it is taking attention away from tha football team. Well, he’s glad for this mess until it comes time to recruit. I told Magee when Ole Miss hired Nutt, his first year would be his best. And now look what happened. Crazy Coach O ain’t there to bring in talent anymore. But yo, have fun whippin’ another cupcake this week.

The South Will Rise This Week 42
We Will Collect A Check This Week 10

Last week:

Dave (7-1)
Doug (6-2)
Jesus Muscatel (6-2)

Season:

Dave (58-11)
Doug (56-13)
Guest Dave (6-2)

Thanks to Two Daves reader Richard for pointing this error out. 

Now that we’ve fixed that, and we all pick Ole Miss, Auburn will probably ring up 60 on them. (Hey to Mississippi State)

Props to Two Daves reader Josh for pointing this out!!  We appreciate you effort!

 I’ll send my pick now; if Doug and Jesus get theirs done, they will be posted on our blog at http://www.2daves.org

 EMU @ Arkansas

 If it was not the arm & hammer , perhaps it was due to this sounding like a zoo.  In one corner, we have the Arkansas Razorbacks, named for the relentless tenacity demonstrated by wild boars.

 In the other corner, we have Emu’s – large flightless birds. It is noteworthy that while they cannot fly, Emu’s can run at peak speeds of about 30 miles an hour.  Impressive, eh?

 Shouldn’t someone call the SPCA about this?  Flightless birds do not stand a chance against bloodthirsty hogs !!

 If we had not missed this game in our picks, this would be the bitchslap of the week !!  Petrino’s boys will rebound nicely from their loss at Ole Miss as they search for the Holy Grail of a Bowl Game.

Is an Emu related to an Alpaca?

 Pigs 45 – EMU’s 10